On the Lam, Software Millionaire McAfee Posts Bizarre Blog

John McAfee is wanted for questioning in Belize.

As authorities in the Caribbean nation of Belize search for multimillionaire software company founder John McAfee – he’s wanted for questioning in the violent murder of a neighbor – they might want to keep a close eye on his blog.

In rambling posts that at times read like a low-level crime novel (“I also needed to do my own investigation, since the police only seemed to be investigating my whereabouts. My safety is contingent on the truth being discovered.”) McAfee proclaims his innocence while describing elaborate disguises that allegedly allowed him keep close tabs on the scene around his home.

In one segment on the blog, www.Whoismcafee.com, the wanted McAfee lists his painstaking efforts to appear as a wandering trinket salesman:

The first day I colored my full beard and my hair light grey- almost white. I darkened the skin of my face, neck and hands carefully with shoe polish and put on an LA Saints baseball cap with the brim facing backwards and tufts of the front of my hair sticking out unkempt through the band. I stuffed my cheeks with chewed bubble gum stuck to the outside of my upper and lower molars – making my face appear much fatter. I darkened and browned my front teeth. I stuffed a shaved down tampon deep into my right nostril and died the tip dark brown – giving my nose an awkward, lopsided, disgusting appearance. I put on a pair of ragged brown pants with holes patched and darned. I wore an old, ragged long sleeve shirt. I donned an old Guatemalan style sarape and toted a bag containing a variety of Guatemalan woven goods. I adjusted my posture so that I appeared a good six inches shorter than my actual height and slowly walked up and down the beach with a pronounced limp, pushing an old single speed bicycle and peddling my wares to tourists and reporters using a broken English with a heavy Spanish accent.

Taking pride in the ruse, McAfee boasts that he was even able to fool members of the press who were there to cover his story:

On my second day, while peddling small wooden carvings, I nearly sold a dolphin carving to an Associated Press reporter standing at the edge of my dock. He was pulled away from my enticement by an urgent phone call.

As the search of his home continued, McAfee claims to have switched up his undercover persona to that of food vendor:

On subsequent days using different disguises, I did the same general thing, one day selling tamales and burritos that I had purchased wholesale from a real vendor…

Another guise included that of an intoxicated, Speedo-wearing tourist from Europe:

…pretending to be a drunk German tourist with a partially bandaged face and wearing speedo swimming trunks and a distasteful, oversized Hawaiian shirt and yelling loudly at anyone who would listen – “Leck mich um ausch!”. At 67 years of age it was quite a spectacle.

All the while, McAfee claims to have spied on his home as police continued to search the grounds, pointing out what he saw as suspicious activity:

Then I watched the police dig up my four dogs that had been poisoned and buried. They cut off the heads and re-buried the bodies. I found this curious. The dogs had been dead too long for an effective autopsy, considering it would be performed in a Third World country with limited access to laboratory resources. What was this all about?

One scene recalls a close encounter, as McAfee wonders why police are taking bags into his home:

I watched the police search my residence 7 times. At one point I got too close and was angrily ordered to go away. I did so while muttering “Pendejos!” loud enough for the officers to hear. Every search was allegedly performed in order to find me. On two occasions, however, the police carried large duffle (sic) type bags into the premises and left with the bags appearing nearly empty. Perhaps the bags contained their lunch and they ate while searching. Perhaps not.

McAfee ends the post describing his disguises and surveillance with a plea to those who may be reading from afar:

Pease (sic) do what you can. Write your congressman to ask for sanctions against Belize. Write the Prime Minister and shame him. Just speak out. When enough people join a clamor for justice, the world changes.

P.S. No-one at the house, including the staff, know that I am nearby. If the police are reading this, do not randomly round up everyone for harboring a fugitive. Please.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
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