Church Asks God How to Stop Jadeveon Clowney

by | September 5, 2013 at 10:09 AM | College Football

Jadeveon Clowney (Getty Photo / Streeter Lecka)

Plenty of sports fans appeal to a higher power when the game is on the line, but few take as direct a route to the lord above as this.

On Wednesday, just three days before Jadeveon Clowney and the Gamecocks were to roll into town for an SEC showdown with the Georgia Bulldogs, the First Presbyterian Church in Athens raised some eyebrows by posting this message on its outdoor sign: “Dear God, How Do You Stop Clowney?”

First noted on Reddit, the sign quickly caught national media attention as everyone waited with bated breath to see what sort of divine intervention was in store for the explosive defensive end. Lightning bolt? Plague of locusts? It would be fun to watch.

The good times came to an abrupt halt, however, when The Sporting News placed a call to the church and discovered that the sign was merely part of a promotion for ESPN’s “College GameDay.” A similar message appeared on the marquis of the Georgia Theatre. It was a cute publicity stunt, but a publicity stunt nonetheless.

Left without the prayer power of the First Presbyterian Church, the Bulldogs will need to come up with their own plan to shut down Clowney. If it’s any consolation, South Carolina’s season-opener rivals North Carolina may have already discovered the key: heat. The combination of a stomach virus and a 93-degree game-time temperature last Thursday bested the Heisman hopeful, who appeared sluggish and walked off the field with only three tackles, none for a loss.

Unfortunately for Georgia, the forecast for Sanford Stadium on Saturday is only 85, which may not be enough to stop ‘Doo Doo‘ from dominating. Still, it’s probably best for the Bulldogs to solve the Clowney problem on their own and leave God out of it, so He can get back to focusing on the things that really matter, like finding a job for Tim Tebow.


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