Gossip Girl Recap: The World According To Francis


Last night’s Gossip Girl, by Francis, Gossip Girl Correspondent.

No more episodes in the can + no end to the strike anytime soon = what looks to be the season finale. It’s a sad day, but if this is the finale we’re going to get, I’m glad this is what we got. This ep was one of the strongest of the season. Again, SPOILER ALERT! This is a recap after all!

Ep starts with S in a pharmacy looking store (probably a Duane Reade). She picks up her basket and starts loading it up with pregnancy tests! Of course there is someone in the store with their cell phone to capture the whole thing. Within minutes, the story is out. People love the new fodder. Everyone, that is, but Little J. Her shrill scream calling Lonely Boy to the computer is priceless. Oddly endearing actually. Lonely Boy and papa Humphrey have a serious talk. It was very “Growing Pains.”

At this point everyone is wondering if S’ eggo is preggo. Everyone at the courtyard of the Constance School is reading GG on their phones and then staring at S as if there’s a scarlet letter P on her jacket. One student exclaims, “Hey Mom.” I had to watch that part again. I thought he said, “Hey Ma” like I hear random guys say when they attempt to pick up on a girl! (Yes, I also offer “What not to do in social situations” advice)

Of course to add to the drama, it turns out that S was getting all the “Am I Knocked Up” tests to pass on to B! Of course we can assume that someone’s getting this info to GG, but more on that in a bit. Eventually we get to a scene where B shares a tender moment with Nate. Nate asks her to come to visit “The Captain” in rehab. Of course B is tickled at the prospect as this shows Nate “needs” her. Lurking in the background, however, is none other than Chuck Bass. Chuck straight up looks like he’s an extra in “Newsies” which made me chuckle. Ha. See what I did there? B notices Chuck and relishes at watching him squirm with their kiss-fest.

This is getting a bit long for a recap so here are some other choice bits:

– Lonely boy professes his love for S. They go on a “date” at his place where he cooks! It totally reminded me of “Lady and the Tramp” but without the whole noodle-kiss thing.
– Papa Humphrey is a PIMP! Two propositions at the gallery in the span of about 17 seconds. Priceless.
– S to B: “Anyone notice the weather today? Take a look outside, B. My FIRST RESPONSE would be that the sky is a CLEAR BLUE EASY.” Nice.
– B eventually finds out that she’s not Juno, but Onuj (please tell me you get that). She encounters Chuck and tells him the news and to stay away from her. Brutally rebuffed, Chuck seeds info to GG.
– Eventually the info comes out through GG… B pregnancy scare, not S. She’s been with TWO guys in one week. Whose maybe baby could it have been? Nate’s not a complete donut on the sitch because Jenny McEavesdropper fills him in about Chuck. Nate and Chuck get all Springer and everyone sees it.
– Little J obviously plays a pivotal role. It’s sort of reminiscent of “Mean Girls.” Queen B seems to be dethroned and her court welcome Little J with open arms. They’ve even got a new eager lackey to cater to her needs.
– Chuck owns the “OH SNAP” moment of the night when he tells B that he doesn’t want her anymore. He says, “You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. But now you’re like… one of the Arabians my father used to own – rode hard and put away wet.”
– In a case of role reversal, B decides that all she can do is escape. She plans on going to France with her father for a semester of school there. Loyal to a fault, S, comes just in the nick of time to convince her to stay.

That’s it. Fini. That’s where I really ache because I’d love to see what hijinks ensue. You know there’s going to be hell to pay for everything B’s been through. Who would be her targets? What would she do to them? Would S still stay loyal through that? Perhaps we’ll never know. Fingers crossed that the writers can get a writin’ cause GG was totally on a roll.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.


Comments are closed.