All season long I have been inspired by TK and Rachel’s conduct toward each other on The Amazing Race, and last night as the chips were stacked against them these two muffin tops were all but out of the game. As luck would have it their three-hour deficit practically evaporated when the other teams had to wait almost three hours to get into the Umeda Sky Building. As I have been inspired by their kindness, they inspired rage in other teams last night, and no one was more consumed by useless anger than Jen.
Jen is a crotch. She is a mean, negative raggedy old vagina who happens to be saddled with a big dick, her boyfriend Nate. For as much as Jen rants and whines and says “O my gosh-uh” when she’s really angry, Nate is her Wonder Twin who activates her fury with his incompetence and condescending arrogance. He couldn’t wait to get to Taiwan so he could eat “Thai food”. To make matters wonderful last night was Jen’s birthday and Nate couldn’t help but needle her and egg her into one giant continental argument…but Nate, it’s her birthday! When Jen realized TK and Rachel had caught up in Taipei she had the nards to say, “I wanna rip those dreads out of his head!” How could you ever want to harm TK? He is the nicest person on the show and would never reciprocate that kind of hostility. I would, but clearly I am a lesser person than my dreaded friend.
The Roadblock looked like some rickety third world stunt driving on a giant seesaw, then the participants had to hold their breath under water in an amphibious jeep as it careened into the drink for 17 seconds. As gramps Don filled his lungs I was certain he was going to soil his pants; shows you what an agist meanie I am. It was an easy task for the final four teams, and right afterward TK and Rachel had to fulfill their obligation to the dreaded Speed Bump, the penalty round they incurred after last week’s last place check-in. The Speed Bump took all of 15 minutes, it was simply a 40 yard dash through a field of fireworks followed by a good dousing, and then they miraculously caught up with the other teams after mastering the art of the automatic ticket kiosk on the Taipei high speed rails.
Game on, motherf%@kers!! The other teams were shocked, sickened and pale with jealousy and contempt as the do-ragged duo sauntered onto the train. They all knew what it meant: with the Speed Bump and time penalty behind them TK and Rachel were now on equal footing with everyone else and it was every hippie, old man and sorority whore for himself. Ronald and Christina were miles ahead in certain victory, and this left TK and Rachel, Nate and Jen and Nick and Don battling it out to see who would come in 2-3 to fill out the top three for the final leg. The do-rags sailed through the jagged rock-walk Detour as did Team Gramps, and this left Nate and Jen who decided to risk it on the subway (which also meant a bus transfer) bringing up the rear. Anything can happen in traffic and on the Race, and it seemed Gramps and Sonny Boy were hitting their fair share of red lights. In the end Jen got the greatest birthday present of all, one endless fight with her former and future cheater boyfriend and elimination from the show that made her into a national ass. Happy birthday sweetie!
Now that Nate and Jen are gone it looks like the easy tasks (walking on rocks??) are behind us and the interesting part of the show can start. As much as I like TK and Rachel I doubt anyone can beat Ronald and Christina. For as overbearing and horrible as he was in the beginning he has mellowed out considerably and let his smart daughter lead the team. If they have a grave travel misstep they could take themselves out, and if piglets take to the skies look for a come from behind win from Don and Nick. Or don’t, because they are running on fumes and lucky breaks and probably don’t stand a chance in more challenging physical tasks.