The Biggest Loser: Cheese Puffs vs. Chewing Gum


by Bob Hellman
Biggest Loser Correspondent

I know what everyone is thinking. How could I choose to watch Loser over Idol?

Well, after suffering through Bruno vs. Carrie Ann the other night, I just couldn’t watch any more bad singing. Tonight on Loser, the mother and son team of Jackie and Dan got a special treat since they were the big winners, or losers, last week. They get to have one family member visit them, two votes for the elimination and free massages for a week. Whoever the masseuse is, I hope they have strong hands and know how to knead.

We saw Mark in the gym curling what looked to be about 20 pounds. I never saw a guy that big struggle so much with that little weight. Hasn’t he carried to his car at least that amount in grocery bag weight? Mark and Jay’s thick Boston accents are also taking a toll on me. But who am I to say that, you should hear my thick N.Y. accent. It’s a treat.
During a segment with best friends Jenn and Maggie, they were asked what their favorite snack munch is. Both love “Cheesy Puffs.” Jenn said she loves them so much that before she knows it, “the bag is gone.” Wow, she eats the bag too! Sorry, Jenn, I didn’t mean that, and I still think you’re cute. The ladies on the show have also all been to hair and makeup for this weeks installment. Except for Jackie. And speaking of hair, her son Dan must have read my last blog and decided to wash his.

Trainer Bob gave us all a lo-cal snack tip, Wrigley’s gum. At only 5 calories a stick, it’s a good snack. Last I checked, we chew gum, we don’t eat it. Although I can’t speak for the contestants.

Trainer Jillian loves to yell at Neill and I love to watch her yell at him. Neill is the one everyone can’t stand. I think his wife is even starting to question her matrimonial vows.
Jillian kept barking at Ali while she was on the exercise machine, “Why are you here?!” She answered, “Because I’m fat.” No s**t Sherlock. She told us that her weight is a protection device because her parents divorced at a young age. She said that if she stays fat that no one will leave her. Huh??

The first challenge was in the middle of nowhere and the contestants had to carry medicine balls through muddy water and place them on a table where a team member stood behind. Eliminated are the teams that have the most balls placed on them. So this

was kind of fun, seeing which teams wanted to eliminate the other. It also gave us insight to the alliances being formed. Mark and Jay got into it during this challenge. Mark yelled at his brother for their strategy and everyone now hates him. He tried to gloss it over in the house by explaining that “this is how I speak to him at home.” But I’m sure when they’re at home the yelling is more along the lines of, “Who said you could have the last Twinkie!” The Grey Team of ex-college footballers, Trent and Roger took first place. They’re granted immunity and cannot be voted off the show tonight. And it really didn’t matter, at the weigh-in Trent dropped 14 pounds and Roger shaved of 8. Trent’s weight dropped to right under 400 pounds, way to go dude, only 200 more to go! I tease but I like those two guys. They stay quiet, don’t get in everyone’s B.I. business and who knows, they just may wind up being the Biggest Losers!

During one of the workout segments, Bette Sue actually cried. I love watching people cry on television. In a side note, if you caught the press conference from Dallas Cowboy’s receiver Terrell Owens this past week after his team was manhandled by the N.Y. Giants, you would have been privy to seeing a huge man cry on television. Priceless. Makes me wonder if he cried when he had both ears pierced?

In the gym, Neill cost everyone pain. If he puts his hands on the treadmill handlebar, everyone has to do 5 extra minutes. He couldn’t keep his hands off the handlebar.
Jillian had a long talk with Bette Sue about the relationship with her daughter, Ali. It was nice. Bette Sue said she was appalled by her past, bringing a bunch of “riff-raff” into their home when Ali was young. I think she meant crappy boyfriends. If she didn’t have that bad hairdo maybe she could have just brought home “Riff” instead of “Raff.”

The last chance workout is good. Trainer Bob barked, “500 pushups!”, Really? Did he mean collectively or over the span of their lifetime?
Here are some highlights regarding the weigh-in results. Last weeks winners, Dan and Jackie lost a lost a bunch, 19 pounds. Cheesy Puff best friends Maggie and Jenn didn’t do so well. Maggie shed 6 pounds and Jenn a mere 4. Mark lost 12 pounds and his brother Jay lost 7. When they stepped off the scales, Mark shook Jay’s jelly belly for us all to enjoy. Mark also likes to suck in his stomach when he steps on the scale in an attempt to look chiseled. This doesn’t work, my man.

Brittany lost 7 pounds. And may I say that she’s the cutest 203 pounder I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait till she drops another 80.

Slacker Neill lost 6 pounds and his wife Amanda an equally disappointing 5. Even Amanda is beginning to turn on Neill when she commented, “Neill doesn’t lose any big numbers like the other guys do.” Watch out brother, when Amanda gets thin you may lose her. Divorced couple Kelly lost 9 while her ex, Paul, dropped 14.They were facing elimination last week and this week they were the Biggest Losers. I can’t help but laugh when hostess Allison declares, “You’re the biggest losers!”

On with the elimination results. It came down to Amanda and Neill against Bernie and Brittany. In the chubby house, Amanda was crying her plea to let them stay on. I was genuinely moved by her sentiments but then again she said “I do” to Neill so she loses some credibility with me.

The elimination process is entertaining. The contestants all march into a big room each holding a covered plate. They sit at a large dining table and one by one they take the cover off their plates like it’s the main course at Applebees. I wish that one of them would have a sense of humor and put a large order of fries on their plate and reveal that instead of the team they are voting off. So, who’s going home? Neill’s lazy attitude finally caught up with him, and he and his misses were given the heave-ho. During their goodbye interview, Amanda said that she wants to prove to everyone when they come back in April that they could do it. Neill didn’t look to bummed, he looked like he’d be stopping at the drive-thru window. They showed some footage at the end of them present day, Amanda has lost another 24 pounds and Neill dropped 23. She looks good. This is still my favorite reality show on television. Bon Appetite!

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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