By Jen Smith
Last Comic Standing is finally done with the unfunny people! Hoorah! This week, the finalists move into a big-ass house in the Hollywood Hills. I’m sensing drama on the horizon. They arrive via a short bus to the Casa de Comedy and Bill Bellamy greets them in a hot pink sweater. The wardrobe department must have had a good laugh about that one. The comics “ooh” and “ahh” their way through the tour of their new abode, except for when they spot the bunk beds. Sean hasn’t had a roommate since prison, and God’s Pottery challenges Esther and Iliza to the girlie room. They don’t have much time to settle in, though, because they’re off to their first assignment.
When you’re famous, you have to have photo shoots… so today they comics will have a photo shoot. As per LCS tradition, it’s not a normal shoot. They have to show their personality and win American over with the help of a room full of props for an LCS calendar. Marcus dons a Wonder Woman costume for July, but completes his look with smeared lipstick and loose morals. For February, Sean plays the part of a superhero evil hermaphrodite ballerina queen. Yup. God’s Pottery, naturally, plays God and Satan (aka my mom and dad) for the month of March. Mr. April is Jeff who plays the baby of the house quite well with his bib and bubbles. Iliza dresses up as your 3rd cousin from Kentucky for the month of May. Louis, well, just kind of threw a bunch of shiny things on himself for January. For June, Adam played a hippie but I’m not buying what he’s selling. I really, really don’t know what Jim was supposed to be for Mr. August. Papa CJ dressed up as a pirate for September… which is funny, because he pirates jokes. Ron G looked just like my… a pimp, for October. Miss November, Esther, had some kind of pig snout and Uncle Sam getup. Finally, in anticipation of Christmas in December, Paul stole every prop that was leftover and slapped them on his body. Tired yet?
As I promised last week, this is the time for Yo’ Momma jokes. That’s right, a middle school tradition is being used to propel these people’s careers. After a raw-egg chugging contest (Jim won), they head into the outskirts of LA to a boxing ring warehouse-type place. In attendance are judges Jamie Kennedy and Rich Eisen (who I was like “Who is that??” and my roommate was like “I think they said ESPN,” so I IMDB’d him. He’s no one important.) Also there was Rich Fields as the ring announcer… he’s normally the announcer for The Price is Right. First thing on the roster tonight is a Yo’ Momma speed round. DING DING DING! Let’s get it on!
Louis vs. Jeff: “Yo’ momma’s so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.”—Jeff
God’s Pottery vs. Ron G: “Your mom is so funny, when she tells a joke we laugh so hard we could just die… which is fine because we’re going to heaven!”—God’s Pottery
Adam vs. Marcus: “Yo’ momma is so old she went to high school with John McCain.”—Adam
Iliza vs. Jim: “Yo’ momma’s so special, there isn’t a short bus short enough.”—Jim
Paul vs. Papa CJ: “Yo’ momma’s so frigid, her vagina dispenses ice cubes.”—Paul
Esther vs. Sean: “Yo’ momma’s so Canadian, she uses maple syrup as lube.”—Esther
This is just a sample of the hilarity… and by hilarity I don’t mean you, Papa CJ, who retold one of his few jokes AGAIN. I’m getting sick of that, dude. Speaking of which, that’s the topic of the next round. It’s “You’re such a hack that…” and in the comic world that refers to someone who reuses jokes. Sound familiar, Papa CJ?? Without getting specific, God’s Pottery won this round against Adam with mentions of the Old Testament, and Jim beat Sean with a Carrot Top reference. So it’s down to the final round, God’s Pottery versus Jim Tavare. They are quite possibly the complete antithesis of each other, but in a surprising turn of events the Devil took over God’s Pottery and they burned Jim with a reminder that his people lost the Revolutionary War. You’re all going to hell now. Regardless, Jim won. Awesome.
So now that Jim has immunity, the conspiring has begun. Everyone pretty much agrees that Esther has to go… not only because she’s not that funny, but according to Marcus (in the voice of Christopher Walken), “Ku’s laugh creates a tsunami of evil.” He’s right, though. It will haunt you. Iliza obviously lies to Esther’s face when she tells her she’s voting for a guy. Louis gets it right when he says it’s not personal… it’s just a competition. So they all load up into the short bus again and head to an undisclosed location. Cue the Thriller music, because they’re in a graveyard for the elimination process. How apropos. I’m just going to skip all the boring stuff… the producers decide to show the actual “I know I’m funnier than…” footage, which the comics didn’t know they’d do. So now everyone feels betrayed, especially Ester who was voted to go to the head to head. She starts to cry and I feel a little sympathy until she voted for Iliza and God’s Pottery to join her. Meanwhile, two minutes prior she said she would vote for Louis because he’s the best comedian there. A wee bit hypocritical, Ku. Kinda wussy.
That night, the tension at the house is pretty apparent. Esther is pretty much pissed at everyone and Iliza is pretty confident that she’s staying in the house. The next day, the comics head to the LCS Theater for their first head to head! Esther goes first, and if you look past the pink tights and pig tails you might have noticed some jokes in there somewhere. Unfortunately, they were also recycled from earlier rounds which the comics so lovingly pointed out. God’s Pottery was pretty funny again with a song about joining Team Jesus. I thought they were better than Esther. Iliza had a lot of energy and made fun of herself a lot, which people loved. The other comics said she killed it, but I just thought it was OK. I was torn between God’s Pottery and Iliza staying. Unfortunuately, GP got the lowest percentage of votes, so they’re sent back to heaven. It’s between Esther and Iliza and to no one’s surprise, Iliza stole the show and Ku is sent packing. You were good, sweetie, but you need some fresh material. Possibly something non-Korean. Next week… more funniness. Stay tuned.