By Sara A. Bibel
Recapper here. We’ve got tickets for Fashion Week. Blair takes great pride at putting together the seating chart for Eleanor’s fashion show. Her mother actually seems to appreciate her efforts. At school, the sycophants are circling Serena, to Blair’s chagrin. Blair thinks tickets to her Mom’s fashion show will get her spot back. It doesn’t work because Serena’s photograph with a socialite named Poppy is in WWD. Blair bitchily tells Chuck he’s even lamer than Dan because at least Dan’s Dad likes him. She learns that Jenny changed the seating chart so Serena and Poppy are in the front row and vows revenge.
She learns that Jenny told Eleanor she has independent study. Blair tells Rufus that Jenny called in sick for the past 10 days. Rufus drags Jenny out of the showroom, rightfully lecturing her on all the money he’s spending on her education. Rufus tells her she needs to convince the headmistress that she has a second chance. Jenny is an ungrateful brat about missing fashion week.
Jenny suggests that Eleanor should place Serena and Poppy in the front row. Serena’s annoyed that Lily agreed to it, since she and Blair always watch from backstage. Lily convinces her it will be fine if they give Blair a pass to the Marc Jacobs show. Blair confronts Serena about skipping their ritual. She doesn’t buy Serena’s usual passive-aggressive explanation of how it isn’t her fault. Serena ends up determined to sit in the front row just to piss Blair off. When Serena gets there, she discovers Blair’s moved her to the back row. Of course Eleanor sides with Serena and Jenny and moves her to the front. Jenny finds out that Blair sent all the models she was supposed to wrangle home. Jenny saves the day by recruiting the socialites from the audience.
There’s no way they’d all be tall or thin enough for the clothes to fit, but of course they do. The clothes are pretty ugly. Serena doesn’t want to walk in the show out of respect for Blair. Poppy tells her that she shouldn’t have to hold herself back. If Blair’s really Serena’s friend she’ll support her. Blair faux-happily hands S. a dress. Serena rocks the runway in a green dress with a bubble skirt. The problem is that Eleanor didn’t design it. Jenny the savant did. Jenny asks why Blair set her up. Blair says because she can’t leave her alone. Jenny accurately sympathizes that Blair earns everything while Serena glides through life. She says she wanted to be Jenny’s friend because she likes her, not because she’s popular. Jenny’s dress is a hit. Jenny tells Eleanor to take credit. Blair backs her up praising Jenny for the socialites idea. Eleanor does it. Rufus sneaks in as Eleanor toasts Jenny’s success. Jenny the moron tells him she’s dropping out of school. Blair apologizes to Serena, saying she was hurt that Serena blew off their tradition.
Serena, as always influenced by others, says she’s tired of holding herself back because Blair’s insecure. Blair is stunned. Blair watches jealously as Serena and Poppy pose for the paparazzi.
Lily wants to buy a Mapplethorpe photo of herself. Lily rules. Her dealer tells her someone else bought the photo. Bart comes home from his business trip and gives her a gorgeous necklace. She asks him about the Mapplethorpe. He bought it and hid it to protect it from being used against the family. She realizes he has a dossier on her. She coldly demands to see it. She reads it and seems quite uncomfortable.
Dan’s mentor tells him his stories suck because they’re too autobiographical. Ha! He tells him to find someone dangerous who will inspire him. Dan tells Chuck that he needs to get out of his comfort zone. Chuck responds with the line of the night: Are you gay? Dan just wants a night of the Chuck Bass lifestyle. Chuck agrees out of boredom. Chuck persuades Dan he needs to do several shots and take a pill. I hope it’s Viagra. Next time we see Dan he’s high, in the limo and marveling at the wonders of Chuck’s sex clubbing ways. Chuck gets Dan to take off his shoes, then kicks him out shoeless. The mentor hates his new story, except for “Charlie Trout” the Chuck character. Wow. Dan really is unoriginal. He suggests Dan write from Chuck’s PO and find Chuck’s secret.
Chuck phones Bart to ask if they can have a drink together. Bart blows him off as Dan arrives, overhearing. Dan asks about his father. Chuck describes Bart as an older and meaner version of him then, uncomfortable, tries to pick up a woman he thinks is a hooker. She isn’t. Her boyfriend is pissed. Dan punches him. Chuck and Dan end up in a holding cell. Dan worries that Rufus will kill him. Chuck says Bart doesn’t care enough to get mad. He hated Chuck from the day he was born because Chuck’s Mom died in childbirth. Whoa. Ed Westwick sells the hell out of this. He’s not just a good actor for the CW. He’s a good actor. Bart’s lawyer gets him sprung. Chuck accidentally gets Dan’s bag at jail checkout and finds Dan’s annotated story about him. He tells Dan to watch his back and claims the story he told about his mother was a lie. She really died in a plane crash in the Andes when he was a child. Dan’s mentor bails him out. He praises him for finding Chuck’s secret. Dan doesn’t feel comfortable using people for art. The mentor calls Dan second rate. Dan snaps that he’ll write a story about a washed up writer. He replies that he’ll use it to prop up his Pulitzer. Dan got PWNED, but goes home to write.