Dirty Sexy Money: I’d Rather Not (recap)

By: Jen Smith


Last night on Dirty Sexy Money, Nick’s mysterious absentee mother finally makes an appearance and proves why she left in the first place. Karen is still jealous over Nick’s new rule of the Darling family throne, Jeremy’s running around having sex with the enemy, and Patrick is tormented by his dead wife’s ghost. Oh yes. This show knows the drama.

Nick was definitely the shining star of the episode tonight, with Peter Krause taking the acting reins over from Donald Sutherland. Nola stops by Nick’s office to pass along the legally required witness list for Letitia’s murder trial. Guess who’s the star witness? It’s Nick’s mom, Claire, who disappeared 33 years ago and hasn’t seen Nick since. Nola says that phone records indicate that Claire had made phone calls to both Dutch and Letitia on the day of Dutch’s death. Seems awfully suspicious. Oh yeah, and Letitia had been paying Claire off the whole time. Even more awfully suspicious. Nick confronts Letitia, who bad mouths Claire up and down, calling her bi-polar and depressed. After a not-so-successful phone call attempt to reach his mom, Nick decides to hop a plane to Paris, where she’s been bunking for the past three decades. Lisa is totally pissed that Nick only decides to reach out to his mom because of the Darlings intrusion and didn’t bother all those times she suggested it. Someone is way too needy.

Everyone knows that if you get away with murder (literally), it’s probably wise to keep your big mouth shut. Patrick never got that memo. He has decided that at his upcoming Senatorial debate, he’s going to reveal to the world that he accidentally killed Ellen and then purposefully burned her corpse up in a fire. At the debate, Dan Rather makes quite an uncomfortable cameo as moderator…it was amusing. Anyway, Patrick starts to come clean but then (surprise!) Tripp shows up with Carmelita in tow. Patrick immediately changes his mind and makes an agreement with Tripp to keep quiet if he can keep seeing her. The love birds have a warm and fuzzy little reunion in a hotel room. Do not disturb!

Over in France, Nick has arrived at his mom’s fancy pad. There’s nothing like being surprised by the son you haven’t seen in 33 years to make you feel guilty. She tries to make him leave, but he quizzes her over her financial transactions with the Darlings and her communication with Dutch on the day he died. That’s when some old dude (presumably a gentleman caller) shows up and starts rambling about oysters. He invites Nick to stay for dinner, unknowing that he’s her son. Over dinner, Nick talks about his wife and daughter, which sends Claire into a sob fest. She blabs about why she left him… apparently she wasn’t cut out for New York society and thought abandoning her kid was the best option. He doesn’t really see how and kind of turns into a sarcastic ass-wipe about it… for good reason. Oyster man isn’t happy Nick made Claire cry and sends him away.

Not much to say about Karen or Jeremy this week. Karen is still whining that Nick was named the VP of Darling Enterprises instead of her, and Simon tells her to shut the eff up already. Jeremy’s still shagging Nola, the woman who is trying to prosecute his own mom for murder. Brian is having a more eventful episode: he misses Brian Jr. who is holed up in Brazil with his truant mom. Brian’s pissed that Brian Jr. has been left home alone and decides to fly down to Rio to take care of the problem himself. In other words, he’s going to kidnap him. Once there, Brian discovers that his baby mama has actually been working evenings to pay the bills because she refuses to cash his child support checks. Once Brian is satisfied with that, he hops on the private jet for NYC… only he doesn’t notice the little stowaway. If you hadn’t figured it out already, it’s Brian Jr.

Nick’s about to leave his Parisian hotel, but Claire has tracked him down. She apologizes for everything, but amends that by blaming Letitia for Dutch’s death. Here’s what she says went down on the fateful day: Dutch discovered that Brian was really his son, got really mad at Letitia, called Claire to get back together, Claire told him that’s crazy, he got pissed and hung up, Claire called Letitia to stop Dutch, Letitia said she’s take care of it, then Dutch’s plane went down. Purple monkey dishwasher. Nick maintains that Letitia’s innocent and storms away from dear old mommy. Once he’s flown home, he finds Letitia and tells her what went down. She maintains that she has always been like a mother to him, and they hug it out.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
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