United States Of Tara: For The Wages Of Sin Is Death

Last night’s United State of Tara wasn’t necessarily the best episode yet, but it certainly had a few of my favorite one liners. Diablo Cody is a genius. She can somehow get away with penning racist, homophobic, and politically incorrect phrases without even offending anyone. Now if only those bastards at the FCC had the same sense of humor.

Tara, believe it or not, is dominant in tonight’s episode. Except for a brief appearance by Alice, it’s nothing but Tara. Her work for Charmaine’s boss Tiffany is coming along nicely. The mural is something she can actually be proud of, unlike painting giant thermometers for fundraisers like she used to do. Tiffany isn’t quite as infallible as she pretends to be, though. She gives Charmaine a bunch of crap for poor vitamin sales, reminding me of those stupid girls in high school that were sweet as pie to your face and then stole your boyfriend behind your back.

Max and Marshall got to spend some father/son time together this week. Unfortunately, it was in the hospital. Max recruited Marshall to help out with some landscaping, except Marshall didn’t quite have the controls of the lawnmower mastered and ran into a beehive. Did I mention he’s deathly allergic to bees? Is anyone surprised by this either? Tara is pissed that Max was so careless and they get into a huge fight over their individual parenting techniques. A couple days later, blotches and all, Marshall goes to church to pretend to be a homo in hell.

Meanwhile, Kate’s actually being civilized this week. She and some friends are helping Aunt Char by passing out fliers. But it looks like they have competition—a Japanese family has placed a claim on the mall parking lot. “It’s everybody’s mall, Sudoku,” replies Kate’s friend. Brilliant. Kate offers to approach her boss at Barnabeez for a possible protein shake special at the bar. Let’s just see how well that’s received.

Tara has been getting closer to Tiffany. She’s been opening up about her marriage, alters, etc and seems to have forged some kind of friendship. Tara’s therapist isn’t surprised that it’s taken so long for her to get a friend. Most people would be freaked out by the whole D.I.D. thing. Tiffany and Tara invite Kate over for a girl’s night out compete with several bottles of wine, but it appears that Charmaine has too much to drink about. Kate’s offer didn’t fly well with Gene, leaving Charmaine with stacks of unsold product.

After a few glasses of red wine, Charmaine even spills the beans about Tara’s traumatic event that led to the multiple personalities. Apparently in boarding school she had sex with some guy when she didn’t want to, and the alters have been hanging around ever since. Tara was mortified by Charmaine, of course, so she goes home and ravages her husband. Yeah, I’d do that too. Max is sex on a stick. Is that phrase still cool anymore?

If you woke up to find the phrase “Die You Yuppie C*nt” written across your mountain landscape mural, would you be upset? Well, chances are you wouldn’t have a mural (no offense, but they’re tacky), but you might have walls. So, you’d probably be upset. Tiffany was. So much so that she fired Charmaine and issued a restraining order against her and Tara. Proof #3459 that Tiffany actually is a yuppie c*nt.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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