The New Adventures Of Old Christine: Reckless Abandonment

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Last night on The New Adventures Of Old Christine she came in through the bathroom window and fell right into the shark tank. It’s official. There are no issues left but advancing age, the lost empathy of loved ones and abondonment by the kids. Sitcoms are supposed to make us feel better but OC is going dark. Still, we did get a spark of the old slapstick skills of Julia Louis-Dreyfus (unless the best parts were performed by her stand-in) and found out she has a killer pedicure. But maybe she’s got a foot double too.

With little Ritchie conveniently entering the shot just long enough to run off to science camp for a week, OC is suddenly feeling very vulnerable and alone in the house. But at least she has Matthew and Barb right? Wrong. They show up, with Lucy, to inform OC they’re moving out. Barb’s bought a condo downtown and Matt is making the relationship leap of moving in with Lucy.

Well, OC is a mature, independent woman, right? Lets find out:

With a big house all to herself now, OC is determined to make the best of it. She gets no support from the gang. They know her too well. To prove the point, OC is crabbing to Richard at the front door but he has already tuned her out. He’s got his hands full pretending he’s really in love with New Christine and drifts off, not noticing that OC has accidentally locked herself out. Rather than call him back for help, she decides to break in. Luckily that bathroom window that everybody forgets to lock is open and she crawls through.

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JLD turns in a nice bit of physical comedy as she slides down the wall and nearly makes it. Until her foot gets stuck in the toilet. As she lays on the floor contorted, there’s a nice close up with her hair spilling around her shoulders and her matchless gaze looking directly up into the camera. For a second you think she’s breaking the 4th wall until we see that she’s actually looking up at the ceiling. Closer inspection reveals that crawling across the roof is a giant earwig. One of her greatest fears. She’s obviously dreamed that she would be trapped and an earwig would fall into her ear one day. Kind of how I felt watrching this episode. And its slowly eating away at my brain.

Fortunately we move on to Matthew arriving at Lucy’s apartment for his new adventure in sharing. Lucy seems excited at first, until she notices Matt’s duffel bag. “Boy. You sure have a lot of stuff.” She has a few rules. For instance, you have to take your shoes off. And throw them out the door. And she’s got a surprise. They have a 3rd roommate – Mr. Deeds. He’s a cute dachshund who comes ambling in and immediately takes a liking to Matthew. Phew! Now we’re getting somewhere. That’s when Matthew finds out that the lips he’s been kissing have not been true to him. Lucy swaps spit with Mr. Deeds (she’s so relieved that her dog approves of Matt) and immediately turns to Matt for a nice smooch. If the saying is true that when you kiss somebody, you’re kissing everyone they’ve ever kissed. And Matthew is not ready to smooch with a pooch. This is gonna be a problem.

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Richard and Barb come in to OC’s house and find her stuck in the toilet. Instead of helping they make a lot “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” jokes about her newly found infirmity and Barb whips out her camera phone. This will make a great YouTube video, maybe it’ll go viral. OC demands they leave her alone, she can do anything by herself. After all, she was once a pretty hot chick. A flashback to her single days proves the point. How I miss Elaine Benes.

Matt and Lucy are realizing they’ve made a mistake. She has problems with his punctuality. He always shows up on time. Obviously, the writing’s on the wall. And besides, Michaela Watkins has to get over to her new gig on Saturday Night Live. Matthew moves out and back in with Old Christine. The experience leaves him wondering if he’ll end up as pathetic as his big sis and they commiserate on the couch.

Their love for each other has been hinted at before, but this time they only hold hands in a creepy way. I’ve often wondered lately what it’d be like to have JLD as a sister. Now I know it means she’d be a friend too – with benefits.

The only direction this show can go in now is straight to hospice. Something tells me though, that Old Christine will be a hot old lady, even on her deathbed. But now that she’s settled in, it’s time to pull the plug.

NEXT WEEK: Old Christine questions her parenting skills when little Ritchie is hurt in a skateboarding accident.

Watch more clips of The New Adventures Of Old Christine right here on Fancast.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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