The United States of Tara: Shiny New Funbags

Last week on The United States of Tara, we were treated to a glimpse of Charmaine’s googly-eyed boobs. While it was amusing to see her nipples point in different directions, it would probably suck to be her. So, Charmaine finally decided to get her breasts fixed from the botched job. She’s recruited Tara to be her designated booby buddy (or as Max calls it–“breast friend”) so she’s absent from the rest of the family drama today.

There’s only one problem with Charmaine’s recruitment of Tara for the post-surgery tending-Buck shows up. Ah, yes, there’s nothing like a 60-year-old man who’s stuck in a 35-year-old woman’s body to take care of someone with a recent boob replacement. (That sounds more complicated on paper.) Anyway, Buck actually ends up not being a half bad booby buddy. He gets her food, amuses her, and even washes her hair. That is, until Charmaine’s walk down memory lane brings back Tara.

During all this, Max was on a mission of his own. He tracked down Tara’s boarding school roommate, Heidi, to find out exactly what went down to cause the D.I.D. Apparently Heidi had this boyfriend named Trip. One day, Tara came home kind of roughed up and seemed to have been taken advantage of. Well, Heidi found out from some other girls that Tara had slept with Trip. The two never talked again. But the more Heidi thought about it, the more she was convinced that Trip did something bad to Tara. Armed with the guy’s name, Max decides to find Trip.

Marshall is still having boy problems. He seeks Kate’s advice (because apparently straight relationships translate easily to homosexual ones) about how to go about reeling in Jason. She pretty much tells him to ignore Jason. Why? Because boys always want what they can’t have. Which, from my experience, is kind of true. So Marshie takes a risk and blows off Jason’s paper-mache invitation. The end result is exactly what was expected… Jason bites the bullet and calls Marshall. Now the only question left to ask: Is Jason gay? We’ll probably find out in the coming episodes, but let’s hope he is. He and Marshie make a cute couple, don’t cha think?

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