The Biggest Loser: What A Bunch of Cry Babies

Remember last week’s The Biggest Loser when they decided to leave the episode as a To Be Continued? Yeah, that kind of sucked. We didn’t get to see the end of the weigh-in, we didn’t get to find out if there was going to be an elimination, and we got an entire 2-hour snoozefest full of (even more) filler. What’s next? Annoying product placements? Oh wait…

We pick up with Mike still on the scale. He has to have lost at least 10 pounds to ensure that everyone is safe and no one goes home. Naturally, the music crescendos just as the number 11 pops up. How convenient. One more pound than he needed. Everyone rejoices in the win until Alison Sweeney points out a little twist. She escorts them out to the courtyard where they’re to do another challenge.

This week the teams will be facing off against each other, mano e mano. Everyone will do wall sits. The last person standing gets to decide which contestants from Blue will face off against Black. Ron (unsurprisingly) gives up after about 20 seconds, followed closely by Cathy. It all comes down to the Wonder Twins, Tara and Mandi. Even though she was about to collapse, Tara stays up long enough to win. So she’ll have to decide which players of her team will weigh-in against the Blue team. The team with the most points wins. Ugh, would it really make a difference? Why all the unnecessary twists? The picks:

Mike vs. Cathy, Sione vs. Mandi, Filipe vs. Kristin, Helen vs. Ron, and Laura vs. Aubrey. Tara chooses to sit out the weigh-in, because if they lose than no one can point the finger at her. Huh? The Black Team seems unconcerned, and a wee bit cocky. They’re sure they have this in the bag.

Then the week’s major drama starts to unfold. During the workout, Filipe is feeling neglected by his trainer Jillian. She worked with everyone individually but him. More on this later.

Now it’s time for another challenge. It’ll take place at 24 Hour Fitness (thanks, sponsors!). Basically, it’s an obstacle course-type thing. One player at a time, they’ll transfer 24 medicine balls across different courses like the pool and stairs, etc. Ron faces off against Filipe with the swimming part. Naturally, Filipe swims while Ron just kind of wades. Seriously, dude. You’re not a freaking whale anymore. I know you can swim. Just do it. Filipe gets his team a big lead, which is passed off to Cathy against Sione on the stairs. Sione extends the lead even more. Tara and Mandi are pitted against each other for the crawl, and finally it’s down to Aubrey and Helen. Somehow, the Black Team had enough of a lead to help Helen win the game. Mandi cries like a baby while the black team celebrates their win-24 hours of luxury.

While 24 hours of luxury sounds good on the outside, the Blue Team knows that it’s not as good as it seems. While their competitors are lounging around and getting pedicures, they’ll be busting their butts in the gym. Guess what? Not only did the Black Team pretty much just lounge around and eat lots of food, they also helped themselves to the tequila bar and cigarettes. After learning of the binging, Mama Jill flips out. She yells and scream in typical Jillian fashion, but some people didn’t want to hear it. Namely, the big cry babies Sione and Filipe.

Filipe gets defensive on Jillian and starts berating her for not working out with him earlier in the week. Then he and Sione storm away and run to Daddy Bob, who coddles them, feeds them their bottles, and puts them to bed. Isn’t it against the rules to switch trainers? I mean, why would the producers let that happen?

It’s time for the weigh-in. Going in, it seems pretty obvious that the Black Team’s night-o-fun will pretty much nil their chance of winning. So why am I doubting that? Tara weighs in first because she didn’t match herself up against anyone. She lost a whopping zero pounds. Which is actually surprising more for the fact that she didn’t gain weight. Next up was Mike vs. Cathy. By the grace of God, Mike whips out a loss of 8 pounds and stomps Cathy’s four. Then is Laura vs. Aubrey. Laura gained a pound while Aubrey only lost three. No surprise there.

Filipe and Kristin face off next. Filipe, who bragged nonstop about his Goliath-type weight loss, only lost a pound– as opposed to Kristin’s 7 pounds. The guy actually has the gall to blame Jillian for his measly loss. Seriously? Did she force that double shot of tequila and extra order of chicken fingers and fries down your greasy throat? I don’t think so. Somehow, Helen beats Ron despite her cigarette smoking and cocktail drinking of this week. Is it really possible that the Black Team is tied with the Blue Team at this point? It all comes down to Mandi and Sione. Sione only loses 6 pounds, which would have been more had he worked out more and gotten fewer massages. Mandi, who worked out consistently with the Blue Team, gains two pounds. Well. Nobody saw that one coming.

So now it’s all about who will be sent home. After a lot of crying and wailing, Mandi manages to get herself eliminated. Ron even had the balls to say that it was her week to go. Really, Ron? Really? Because it looks like you’ve given up trying. Once home, Mandi has managed to lose another 20 pounds or so and looks much healthier than when she first started. Who has the over/under on her dress size at the finale? I say she’ll be an 8.

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The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.


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