Who Gives A Twit? Jane Fonda, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ryan Seacrest…

Twitting a link to her latest blog denying a rumor that recent knee replacement surgery was a result from years of doing The Jane Fonda Workout, Jane Fonda was out and about yesterday with only one crutch making a life changing purchase. “Today’s the day–the big switchover to a Macbook Pro (13″) after decades using a PC!!!” Looking at the tweets Jane received after posting her pic, we all had the same question for her, why didn’t you get the 17 inch?

Tom Arnold has been returning to his roots of stand-up comedy lately. For his appearance at The Laugh Factory in West Hollywood, Tom is giving those feeling the recession some laughs on him, “tonight FREE admission w/proof of unemployment” Excellent, I’ll tweet Roseanne your show times. She’ll be thrilled and definitely can bring proof of unemployment.

Tom’s good friend and onetime co-star California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger twitted a plea to locals regarding the cash strapped state, “Help us find savings.” Speaking for all Californians, we did. Open your wallet and slap California’s debt onto your plastic. Then we can all say “Hasta La VISA, baby!”

A lot of people forget that long before The View, Star Jones was the lawyer who reported on the O.J. Simpson trial for Inside Edition. Yesterday in a series of 27 back to back tweets (breaking Courtney Love’s record) Star gave her take on Chris Brown’s guilty plea for assaulting ex-girlfriend, Rihanna. “Basically…the prosecutor wouldn’t have taken the plea without the victim’s consent…especially in a high profile case. Just so you know.” Star, why are you knocking your brains out searching for television projects when you should be representing high profile celebs like Rihanna? Dust off your law degree, open your rolodex and within a week Mark Geragos will be waiting in line for free Tom Arnold tickets.

Professional Bromancer, Brody Jenner twitted about his alcohol induced big heart during the wee hours of Monday morning, “Omg! Haha I just remembered…Drunk at 4am this morning I donated a bunch of money to starving kids in Africa! Best thing EVER!! Here’s a message from the starving kids, get drunk more often. They’re hungry today too. P.S., I’m sure the kids love the “Haha” attached to your donation tweet alert.

Brody went on to explain what prompted his new spontaneous direction, “I ordered room service and while waiting I saw a infomercial and a little kid was eating dirt so I picked up the phone.” Nothing like guilt to inspire a good deed. You still get props for the donation Brody, but next time do it when you’re sober. Then we’ll know you are the real deal.

Now let’s give the twits a chance to speak their tweets…

Marlee Matlin
@2:41PM 6/21/09: “Chris Brown 5 years probation. Having been on the other side of abuse, I have my thoughts. Curious to know if you think what he got was fair” Ryan Seacrest @2:27PM 6/21/09: so chris brown gets 180 days hard labor…5 years felony probation…ordered to stay away from rihanna…just punishment or not enough??” Melissa Gilbert @7:40PM: How about the key to world peace?- Easy…great boobs. It distracts all the guys with the weapons.” Sarah Silverman @9:05PM 6/21/09: Other than at the movies, I don’t think I’d ever want anyone to tear my stub.” Jim Gaffigan @9:33PM 6/21/09: Whenever I see a vegetable tray at a party I always think, “Well that’s a waste of 12 bucks.” Jessica Simpson @10:47PM 6/21/09: good game of “buzz” on play station tonight…always makes me laugh!!!” Rainn Wilson @10:19PM 6/20:09: Jon Gosselin is famous for his powerful semen.” Kathy Griffin @12:46PM 6/20/09: I had vaginal sex with Sanjaya. Deal with it. He loves givin it to me all kinds of crazy.” Heidi Montag @9:38AM 6/21/09: going to shoot guns with spencer!!!!”

Sounds like they’re secretly preparing a return to the jungle for the “I’m a Celebrity” finale.

What do I give a Twit about? I give a twit about all the ‘Jon & Kate‘ drama – they’ve finally split, and now the show is going on hiatus…

Tweet out!

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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