Eastwick: Burning Men

Eastwick (ABC)

Eastwick (ABC)

This episode of Eastwick was ten times better than the pilot. The annoying voiceover is gone. So is Rebecca Romjin’s pregnancy weight. The dialogue is sharper. I found the premiere episode sexist. This episode the women were strong and proactive. For you critical theory fans, the show has multiple characters who are transformed by being burned. In the pilot, Bun was attacked by fire ants and lapsed into a coma. Ray was burned by lightning, an experience that changed him from a one-dimensional caricature of an abusive husband to a decent man who has lost his way. He gets his old job back at the candle factory — more flames. In episode two, Jamie brands himself with a triskelion symbol. Date rapist Gus gets electrocuted — burned to death by a bunch of lightbulbs, or perhaps the laser hot glare of our three witches.

Watch last week’s series premiere here

Glinda The Good Witch (Highlights)

Roxie has a series of terrifying dreams about Jamie. First he has tied her up in the trunk of his car, then he buries her alive. In her visions, he has a weird scar on his abdomen. In reality, he moves into the apartment upstairs from her. The other women think he’s sexy, what with his British accent and his smoldering looks. It turns out he has come to town to write a book about Eastwick’s history of witchcraft. Roxie relaxes when she notices he does not have the scar from her dreams. At the end of the episode, he brands himself with a triskelion. a symbol often used by neopagans.

Joanna and Penny sing Like A Virgin acapella. Eat your heart out, Glee!

Joanna finds Daryl Van Horne’s obituary and discovers he died when he was a baby. She thinks Daryl stole the baby’s identity in 1984 since there is no record of him existing before that. She finds an article from 1984 about a guy named Sebastian Hart, who is a dead ringer for a young Daryl, drowning. Joanna interviews the author, Milton (Martin Mull). He doesn’t remember anything clearly — other than that he was young and rich and Milton was afraid of him.

Daryl buys the women gifts. Kat gets lingerie, Joanna gets cheap perfume named Maurice and Roxie gets spirit dice.

Joanna sneaks into the historical society and finds a file on Sebastian. A dog we later learn belongs to Daryl chews it up. She find a photo of a young Daryl with a young Bun and a woman named Eleanor Rougemont. Eleanor is played by Cybill Shepard in a a hilarious turban. She says she was the one who killed Sebastian. By the way, there is a triskelion on her door.

Raymond is released from the hospital. He wants a second chance with Kat. After he sees her in the lingerie Daryl gave her, they end up having sex. Kat tentatively agrees to try again. Daryl hires him back at the candle factory.

Will requests the band play Like a Virgin at Harvestfest, then asks Joanna to dance.

Mia’s date rapist Gus nods at Mia like everything is fine. As a soap fan I must point out that this actor is also playing Kristina’s abusive boyfriend on General Hospital. Way to get type cast, Christian Alexander! Evern weirder, Jaime Ray Newman used to play another character named Kristina on GH. Plus, Ashley Benson (Mia) used to play Abby on Days of Our Lives.

Mia refuses to press charges. When Gus calls Roxie a slut, she hits him with her car. Gus slashes her tires. At Harvestfest, the three women stare at Gus. He falls into a group of lights at electrocutes himself. It’s very Thelma and Louise.

Wicked Witch of the East (Lowlights)

Lindsay’s papier mache turkey is accused of looking like a “vajuz”. Grey’s Anatomy made vajayjay happen, but the “silly nicknames for female genitalia” trend needs to stop.

The pumpkin Kat enters in the Harvestfest garden contest looks so fake that it might as well be one of those plastic jack o’lanterns kids use to collect their Halloween candy.


It’s not about the price. It’s about the quality. Plus, I was already at the drugstore buying floss. — Daryl

“You got these at the mall.” — Roxie

“Yes I did. And the kid who sold them to me assured me they were based on actual spirit dice and he had black fingernails and he was wearing some kind of cape so I think he knew what he was talking about.” –Daryl

” I thought only old ladies and perverts went to libraries.” — Roxie

“I may be a high school dropout, but you’re the slut who killed her husband so she can bang half the town.” — Gus

You don’t understand the usefulness of anger. Socety tries to force you to swallow it down like a good little girl. If you’re angry you’re a bitch, and if you’re a bitch no one will love you. That’s nonsense. — Daryl

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

Comments are closed.