Melrose Place: You Were Practically Building A Nest in that Family Tree

Melrose Place (The CW)

Melrose Place (The CW)

The countdown to Amanda Woodward’s return to Melrose Place continues. She has got to be the W in Ella’s company, WEK. Last week Jane moved in to the building. This week she is nowhere to be found. So much for continuity. This week’s episode is all about Ella. It’s her birthday, and her turn for the Sydney flashbacks.

Sydney: Dead. Hilarious.

  • Sydney met Ella when her car was getting booted for excessive parking tickets, the most realistic depiction of life in L.A. yet. She is fresh off the turnip truck — Denver. Sydney is impressed by her succesful lies to the traffic cop to get her car released. She offers to give her a makeover then hires her to be a publicist for her art gallery.
  • Sydney later blamed Ella for an unsuccesful show. She manages to cancel Ella’s credit cards.
  • Sydney is upset that Ella told David she was sleeping with Michael.
  • The night Sydney died, Ella hired a P.I., Dante Zoretti, to break into Sydney’s apartment and find proof that Sydney was plotting against her. Dante claims Sydney was floating in the pool when he got there. Ella thinks he killed her. Dante thinks Ella did it.
  • Dante rats Ella out to the cops. Ella calmly claims that he is lying to save himself and dares the cops to prove otherwise.
  • The World’s Greatest Profession

    Wendy The Madam warns Lauren that if she misses an appointment she will never work as a hooker again. Her John is an insanely hot guy named Frank who is thrilled that she let him kiss her. So far this is better than my last date. Is Wendy hiring? Then he orders her to dance for him while wearing only her underwear. He wants to extend their appointment a second hour so she blows off plans to go wedding dress shopping with Riley. It turns out hot Frank was Wendy’s test. She passed with flying colors. I want to know how Frank became the hooker Mystery Shopper. That is every heterosexual man’s dream job. Shouldn’t Wendy send a really repulsive guy? That’s what I would do if I were a Madam.

    Jonah Makes An Inspirational Movie

    Jonah has been hired to film homes for a realtor’s website. When David sees footage of a necklace, he is moved to steal it. This is the most powerful work of Jonah’s career. The realtor accuses Jonah, who overhears Ella telling David she saw the necklace in his apartment. David claims that Jonah misunderstood. The necklace “miraculously” turns out to have been misplaced in the mansion thanks to David’s reverse cat burglary skills.

    Violet’s Low Stakes Evil Scheme

    Violet is a girl with big dreams — of being a bartender. Well, at least she won’t have to take out any expensive loans that will force her to become a prostitute. She takes $700 out of the register and sticks it in Kira the bartender’s purse. When she gets fired, Violet gets a whopping two hour try out. I shudder to think what will happen when she decides she is ready for the big leagues: waitressing.


    I don’t play the wishing game. I want something, I go out and get it. -Ella

    Something tells me you’ll have your own Jamba juice delivery boy someday. – Sydney

    Set your mind on what you want, and get it. If I hadn’t learned that, I’d still be commuting to Beverly Hills from Van Nuys. In a hatchback. – Ella

    Look who’s grown out of her Uggs and into her Manalos – Sydney

    You were practically building a nest in that family tree. – Ella

    The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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