90210: Apparently There’s A Whole World East of LaBrea

90210 (The CW)

90210 (The CW)

This episode was incredibly frustrating. It focused on the most annoying characters including my new nemesis Ivy The Surfer Girl. Plotlines were dropped from the prior episode. It featured a completely nonsensical concert scene. At this point, I am only watching for Annie, Jasper and Liam’s tarp.

Annie is an Idiot

Annie continues to film Jasper’s Felliniesque movie. I guess they got away with stealing the car from the beach club last episode, since it is never mentioned. I am even more convinced he is gaslighting her when he calls her a damn good actress. Navid goes Brandon Walsh and proposes doing a story on prescription drug abuse for the Blaze. Gia says Jasper is the school dealer. Apparently Harry’s big 21 Jump Street sting last season was ineffective. He is the worst principal ever. Navid actually decides to acknowledge Annie’s existence and warns her about him. She asks Jasper if he’s dealing. Jasper acts hurt, saying that when everyone was calling Annie a slut he never doubted her. He abandons her near Pink’s hot dogs. If she had any self esteem, she’d never speak to him again. But, in one of the best shot scenes this show has ever had, he finds her waiting for him at the Hollywood sign. Congratulations, director Stuart Gillard for finding beauty in the banal. How did she get there? Pink’s is nowhere near the sign. I’ll fanwank that she took the bus to her house, then got a car. She begs his forgiveness. He kisses her and darkly tells her never to doubt him again. Annie has learned nothing from her experience with Mark the Sexting Date Rapist.

Dixon is a Bigger Idiot

Geriatric Sasha refuses to discuss her pregnancy with Dixon. To my surprise and delight he wants her to get an abortion. Hooray for realistic teenage boy behavior! She crazily says she is going to keep the baby. Dixon tells his parents he knocked a girl up. Debbie points out it was actually am adult woman. Dixon reminds them of the dropped plotline of Harry’s long lost son. Touche. They accompany Dixon to Sandy’s house when she texts that she has cramps. Debbie doesn’t recognize Sasha from the nail salon. Sasha tells them to leave. Debbie realizes she’s seen her before. She tracks her down and interrogates her until she breaks. I like this kick ass Debbie. I hope she pays attention to Annie soon. Sasha phones Dixon, claiming’s had a miscarriage. For no apparent reason, Debbie does not tell Dixon the truth.

Adrianna is a Singing Idiot

Adrianna sings an apology song to Navid. Jessica Lowndes has a good voice. He refuses to forgive her, rightfully pointing out that she only wants him back because Teddy isn’t interested in a relationship. She spends the next day in bed, depressed. Naomi and Silver tell Navid they are concerned she’ll relapse and ask him to get her to a meeting. Adrianna says she’ll only go if Navid accompanies her. Navid says he’s “not her person anymore.” Apparently he has been watching Grey’s Anatomy. After seeing Navid talking to girls at the concert, Adrianna buys drugs from Jasper. I never thought I’d say this, but Adrianna needs to listen to Naomi. Navid is not worth it.

Jen Counts on Everyone Else Being An Idiot

Jen drops by Ryan’s place to find him entertaining Ramona, the bartender he met last episode. Jen visits her bar and implies Ryan is slumming with her. Ryan calls Jen out on being jealous. He won’t stop dating other people unless she does. Somehow, they end up kissing. I do not understand why Ryan wants her. She’s got an affected voice, she treats him like dirt, and she is not that pretty.

Pharell Is An Idiot For Doing This Show

Liam gets an honorable mention in the essay contest he entered a few episodes ago. He has no interest in joining Ivy for a party where N.E.R.D. is playing, but she insists. It’s at the Edison which is in downtown L.A. The party seems to be happening in the daytime, though everyone is drinking and there is a band playing. I do not understand what is going on. Jen, who claims not to go east of LaBrea, is there with Ryan. She randomly knows Pharell. It’s really weird that the teachers are partying with students, but worth it when Ryan introduces Jen to Liam. Liam thinks Jen is afraid he’ll tell Ryan they slept together. I doubt she’s afraid of Liam since she knows he punked out and erased the tape of her confession. Jen tells Ryan that Liam came on to her. Ryan jerkily sees this as Liam not being grateful enough for his mentoring. Really? That’s what a teenage boy hitting on an adult signals to him? Not that he has some sort of a problem? Ryan actually confronts Liam about it. This is such inappropriate behavior. Samantha Ronson makes a lame cameo where she comments to Navid that some of the girls in the club are cute. Ha ha.

The Tarp: The Most Interesting Character on the Show

Ivy shows up at Liam’s woodshop and asks what’s under the tarp. The million dollar question. At this point I think it’s logic. She kisses him. Yuck. He tells her he doesn’t want anything serious.


Oh, Silverlake. Right. Apparently there’s a whole world east of LaBrea. – Jen

I totally didn’t recognize you. You’re much older looking close up. – Jen, to Ramona

She looks like she has a great personality. – Jen, about Ramona

I’m using new product in my locks. It leaves my hair manageable yet touchably soft. – Teddy

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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