Vampire Diaries: OMG! Stefan and Elena Totally Do It

The Vampire Diaries (The CW)

The Vampire Diaries (The CW)

Dear Diary:

How awesome is this show?  So awesome that the CW is devoting their entire primetime line up to a Vampire Diaries marathon the week of December 14th.  I am already making a list of friends I plan to turn.  This episode may have been the best yet with scares, surprises and plenty of sex.

Journalism Is Undead

The show picks up right where it left off, with Logan at Jenna’s door. He claims he was out of town and is surprised she got an e-mail from him. She refuses to invite him in.  He says she’s always one step from a maybe, a tiny step to yes.  Bad move.  She slams the door in his face.  This show is, among other things, an endorsement of The Gift of Fear.  Logan encounters a pretty jogger named Daphne. He vamps out and bites her.

Damon and Stefan have both decided to leave Mystic Falls.  Damon suggests he and Stefan try out for the ‘Amazing Race.’  They would win every challenge because they could just thrall everyone else into letting them come in first.  Sheriff Mom visits Damon to inform him that Daphne was attacked.  Her theory is that Lexie turned someone.  The irony is thick as she asks for his advice on fighting a vampire. She assumes Damon has kept Stefan in the dark because he’s still a child. Ha!  Stefan decides he can’t leave until the other vampire is caught.

Damon tracks down Logan, who shoots him repeatedly with wooden bullets.  Logan is conflicted.  He has vampire tendencies but is angry he was turned. He accuses Damon of doing it, because the last thing he remembers is Damon grabbing him. Then he woke up buried under a used car lot.  Logan hilariously whines that he can’t get into his house because he lives alone so there’s no one to invite him in.  Now he’s stuck in the Ramada and eating his way through housekeeping.  I like how much thought the show has put into the every day annoyances of being a vampire.  Poor Vampire Logan needs a mentor. Damon tells Logan that vampirism magnifies all his human feelings.  He must have loved Jenna since he’s desperate to bite her now.  As a morning person, Logan demands to know how Damon goes out in the sun. He reveals he’s read the founders journals — which I assume includes the works of Jonathan Gilbert.  It’s a vampire stand off as neither Logan nor Damon will reveal any information.

Stefan drops by career night,  revealing to Elena that he wanted to be a doctor before he was turned.  Phlebotomy would be a great move for a vampire with a ring of Amara. He’s dabbled in many careers but could never stay in one place for long because people would notice he doesn’t age.  He should move to L.A.  and claim plastic surgery.  Elena realizes he will never stick around for her, which, given that she’s in high school should not be an issue.  Stefan is shocked to see Logan.  He is there for Jenna and signals to Elena that he is the vampire in their midst.  Elena tells Jenna not to ever talk to him again. Logan demands info from Stefan on the daywalking. He points out he could use his fame to expose him.  Stefan tells him not to threaten him.

Caroline tells her Mom she wants to be a broadcast journalist. The Sheriff points out Caroline doesn’t even read the paper. That’s unfair. She’s a teenager. She gets her news online. Logan confronts Sheriff Mom, saying he died for her.  He’s a self gating vampire. He offers Caroline a ride home. The girl is vampire bait!  He slams her head against the car window knocking her out, then calls Sheriff Mom,  threatening to turn Caroline.   Stefan throws him out of the car.  Damon promptly shoots him with wooden bullets.  Logan tells him he knows who turned him and he knows another way to get into Caroline’s tomb. Damon lets him get away.  Logan is waiting for him when Rick shows up.  He claims he’s there on Jenna’s behalf. He says he’s not a violent guy by design — which seems like a clue –  then knifes him in the chest and leaves him. My current theory is that he is from a long line of peacekeepers who slay only when absolutely necessary.  I will probably be disproven in the next episode. Sheriff Mom thanks a surprised Damon for killing Logan.

Fight Club

Jeremy reads his ancestor’s Jonathan Gilbert’s diaries. They are full of references to demons.  He gets out a sketch pad and starts drawing, a smile on his face.  Apparently Jeremy is an artist.  He sketches a scary vampire.  Jenna tells him that Jonathan was a fiction writer.

Tyler asks Matt if he’s “tapping it” with Caroline.  At career night, Jeremy is surprised to see that Tyler has drawn a great comic book style sketch.  New friendly Jeremy wants to make peace until Ty calls Vicki a slut.  Jeremy slams him against a locker.  Mayor Dad and Mr. Salzman pull them apart. Mayor Dad takes them outside and orders them to fight like men, claiming that’s the lesson his Dad taught him.  Neither boy wants to do it, but the mayor shoves Ty. Mr. Salzman asks what’s going on calling the mayor, “a full grown Alpha male douchebag.”  He warns that if the mayor goes after his job, he’ll have a fight on his hands.  Jeremy tells Ty how sorry he is that he has an ass for a Dad, saying he now understands Ty’s behavior.  Ty slugs him.  Jeremy asks what his problem is.  Ty responds that he doesn’t know as the camera pans to a shot of a full moon.  Could Ty and the mayor be werewolves?  I am finally interested in his previously unlikable character.  This show is so good at revealing unexpected sides to seemingly throwaway characters.

Intercourse With The Vampire

Elena tells Stefan she wanted to be a writer, at her Mom’s encouragement.  Does this mean her mother wanted her to follow in Jonathan’s footsteps?  Interesting.  Now that she’s dead she doesn’t think she can do it.  She points out that her life was tough before he came into her life.  He says he’s leaving for her sake.  Elena tells him that if he goes he’s doing it for himself.  She loves him.  He gives her a passionate kiss. They are all over each other in the Salvatore house. He pulls away, scared that he will hurt her with his passionate vampire sex.  Elena convinces him to go up to his bedroom.  She kisses him when he’s in vamp face. They have some very steamy sex.  It’s tender and passionate and sexy. Wow, That was fast.   I am not sure how I feel about it.  On one hand, it’s an interesting way of breaking the prolonged abstinence vampire romance formula.  On the other, it seems awfully fast for a teen romance even with no vampires.  Elena was clearly no virgin.  Matt, you scamp!  Afterward, Nina Dobrov does a good job of portraying Elena’s giddiness as she looks around Stefan’s room.  Her happiness quickly comes to an end when she finds a picture of Katherine.  That would be unnerving to discover you were the spitting image of your boyfriend’s vampire ex.  Stefan returns to the room to find Elena has left her necklace behind.  No. Keep the vervaine! As she drives away someone is standing in front of her.  She runs into him and flips her car.  Upside down, she sees him get up and approach her.  We hear her scream.  I think I might have too.  Possible suspects: Damon, Salzman, Ty, and the mystery vamp.  I’m not sure I can wait a month to find out.


We’re a team.  We could travel the world together.  We could try out for The Amazing Race. – Damon

I was ambushed. I was shot. Now I’m vengeful. – Damon

You’ve known me since I was 6 and you swept me under the rug like dirt. -Logan, to Sheriff Mom

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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