A night of passion was promised on last night’s ‘Dancing With the Stars‘ as couples danced either the romantic (or raunchy, depending on your perspective) Rumba or the tempting Tango. And while some pairs exploded with passion with a capitol P (hello Evan and Anna and Pamela and Damian) others failed to even ignite a spark (we’re talking about you, Kate Gosselin).
Before we get to the stars’ Rumbas and Tangos, a big What The Heck?! goes out to season nine champion Kym Johnson, who demonstrated the Rumba with Dmitry Chaplin in just a lacy black bra, black panties, and open white button-down which did not cover up a single curve, nook, or cranny. How about leaving something to the imagination here, folks? This isn’t ‘Stripping With the Stars!’
Okay, that aside, week four of America’s number one show wasn’t exactly the night of passion they promised, but there were some sizzling moments. The “Double Score Showdown” – – in which each pair was judged on both technique and performance — appeared to scare the passion out of most of the stars, who seemed to be concentrating a little too hard on their technique and not enough on exuding the romance or passion of these sexy dances.
Kate Gosselin, meanwhile, warmed our hearts just a wee bit in the opening when she spelled out “I (Heart) You,” most likely to her children at home. But, she lost major points with us when she went for the sympathy vote in the package footage by complaining about the much-publicized drama in her life.
“That’s how I’ve been living for two years. Every day there is something huge,” she told partner Tony Dovolani during the rehearsal footage. “I wake up and check the news first thing in the morning to see what my day is going to bring me today – what hell I’m going to go through. I mean this is custody stuff playing out in public. That’s what I bring here and I can’t let go.”
Enough of the whining, onto the dancing…
Watch Derek and Chelsie’s Sexy Paso from Last Week’s Results show:
Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya, Dance: Tango
Now this was a passionate Tango. If I were his wife, I would have watched with one eye closed. How he does it on two broken toes is beyond impressive, but he managed to be “strong, powerful, with a hint of catlike arrogance,” as Bruno Tonioli so eloquently exclaimed. “What a perfect blend of artistry and technique,” said Carrie Ann inaba. And, even hard-to-please Len Goodman loved it. Kudos all around.
Technique Score: 26
Performance Score: 26
Total Score: 52
Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough, Dance: Rumba
It seemed Nicole’s case of the giggles was going to show up on the dancefloor when we saw that opening shot of her smiling that goofy smile of hers, but she pulled it together and delivered quite a romantic Rumba. “Give me a little bit more sex,” was Bruno’s standout comment. Carrie Ann pointed out her nerves. “Your ankles were quivering all over the place,” she said. Len said she got the “balance correct,” but dissed her Sliding Doors move, which he called “crazy-looking.” Biggest surprise? The sad look on the Pussycat Dolls’ face when she got her scores. You got a 50! That’s good!
Technique Score: 25
Performance Score: 25
Total Score: 50
Pamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood, Dance: Rumba
Len warned her last week not make her Rumba more bedroom than ballroom, and boy did she listen to him. “It was understated. It had a sophistication,” said Len. “Pamela Anderson can do refinement and elegance and still be drop-dead sexy,” said Bruno, who called it her best dance. Carrie Ann said, “There was magic happening.” And, how about that split at the end?
Technique Score: 23
Performance Score: 24
Total Score: 47
Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke, Dance: Rumba
Chad promised us last week that he would make love to Cheryl on the dancefloor and while they fell short of that, they certainly served up a steamy Rumba. When he pulled her across the floor on her back, we thought he was going to dislocate her shoulder. Possible injuries aside, it was hot, hot, hot. We have three words for these two: Get. A. Room. “You definitely turned on the heat,” Carrie Ann said to Chad, calling it his best dance. “Your best dance. Well done,” Len agreed. “You were fluid…and I command you for it,” said Bruno.
Technique Score: 21
Performance Score: 23
Total Score: 44
Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Dance: Tango
Once we got past the fact that Erin seemed to be channeling Kate from last week (the red dress, the heavy black eyeliner, and that serious facial expression), we thought she was trying too hard by playing to her biggest critic: Len. The hard-to-please judge said the dance was very good, but complained about her footwork…again! Bruno called it “flamboyant, aggressive, like a murderess…then you went wrong.” And, Carrie Ann said our thoughts exactly, that her performance suffered because she paid too much “attention to technique.” If there were a score for passion, we’d give it a 1!
Technique Score: 18
Performance Score: 21
Total Score: 39
Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower, Dance: Tango
We loved Jake’s “Turn Up. Keep Up. Shut Up” t-shirt in response to his much talked about fighting with Chelsie. It was a nice change in attitude, and that newfound ‘tude showed up on the dancefloor. But, while ‘The Bachelor’ star looked confident, in charge, and downright sexy this go-around, he did mess up a few times — and nearly dropped to his knee once and then almost tripped — and it was hard not to gasp and cringe. “You attacked the dance,” said Len, but “once you had the incident it all started to fall apart.” Bruno said, “This Tango was very, very, very messy. You lost your posture. Your footwork was questionable.” Carrie Ann added, “You’re not quite connected emotionally and physically.” Frankly, with such major mess-ups, we’re shocked that the scores weren’t lower.
Technique Score: 19
Performance Score: 19
Total Score: 38
Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel, Dance: Rumba
Raunchy? Not even remotely. Spiritual? (As Louis promised it to be): We think not. Romantic? Bingo! Dedicated to her late brother Michael, Niecy and Louis tried to capture the emotion of last week’s tearful dance, but we think they fell a bit short on all fronts. And, the judges seemed to agree with us. “For me, and I’m trying to be nice, there were no highlights going on…It was a bit boring,” said Len. “You looked like you were in a trance…It needs more color in it,” said Bruno. “It didn’t gel.” Carrie Ann liked the emotional tribute, but added, “It didn’t read well in the dance.”
Technique Score: 18
Performance Score: 18
Total Score: 36
Aiden Turner and Edyta Sliwinska, Dance: Rumba
Come on Aiden! When a beautiful dancer like Edyta give you permission to grab her hard from behind, go ahead and grab her for crying out loud! We had hoped he’d overcome his shyness in rehearsal when he hit the dancefloor, but instead he seemed even more tense, nervous, and far from passionate. “There was no flow to it,” said Len, to a booing audience. “Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, you’ve come out and done that.” (More boos.) “The ‘Blue Steel’ was good,” joked Bruno, who then described his dancing like “stop motion animation, like a creature.”
Technique Score: 15
Performance Score: 18
Total Score: 33
Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani, Dance: Tango
Okay, we figured it out. America is keeping Kate on because she’s so bad that it’s so fun to watch. It’s America’s ultimate guilty pleasure. We get it. We’re in. It’s the best train wreck this show has ever had. Showing no improvement tonight – and clearly not taking Brooke Burke’s advice of “just have fun” – Kate was once again stiff, nervous, and so bad it was funny. Bruno, though, thought she had a “mini breakthrough.” (We disagree entirely.) Carrie Ann was too kind a well, saying she was proud of her. We hoped Len would give it to her good, but instead, he said it was Kate’s “best dance so far.” Their comments might have been kind, but their scores were telling.
Technique Score: 14
Performance Score: 18
Total Score: 32
Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya: 52
Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough: 50
Pamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood: 47
Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke: 44
Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: 39
Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower: 38
Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel: 36
Aiden Turner and Edyta Sliwinska: 33
Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani: 32