Kimmel At ABC Upfront Targets ‘Glee,’ NBC and Charlie Sheen

Jimmy Kimmel (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

Jimmy Kimmel (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

As is tradition, late-night funny man Jimmy Kimmel took the stage at ABC’s upfront presentation of its fall schedule to advertisers on Tuesday afternoon at Lincoln Center. Though Kimmel took a few less shots at his own bosses versus years past – possibly because the New York Times once ran a story errantly assuming he was serious in his snark – fun was poked at ABC as well as its rivals. But mostly its rivals. Here are some highlights:

“Was it me did Fox finally come out of the closet yesterday [at its own upfront event]? They’re very ‘Glee‘-ful aren’t they?”

“I read in the Times this morning that [NBC CEO] Jeff Zucker is building a 40-ton solid cement containment dome that he hopes to lower down over the fall schedule.”

[In reference to a reporter who eavesdropped and reported on the rehearsal for NBC’s upfront] “Poor NBC, they can’t win. NBC likes to keep their programming a secret for as long as possible – sometimes forever.”

“NBC canceled ‘Law & Order‘… and picked up ‘Law & Order: Los Angeles.’ The last time NBC took a show that had been on for 20 years and moved it to L.A., it wound up as the lead-in to George Lopez on TBS.”

“The coveted post-Super Bowl slot is going to ‘Glee.’ Apparently they’re trying to set a new Guinness World Record for the most 43-year-old guys saying, ‘What the f–k is this?!”

ABC’s Fall Schedule Adds One Super ‘Family’ Other Crimefighters

[Regarding the success of CBS’ ‘Undercover Boss‘] “Here’s a hint for employees at chain restaurants: If your new busboy shows up and speaks English, he’s probably the CEO of Fuddruckers.”

“Charlie Sheen is genius, and I’ll tell you why. You get arrested for threatening your wife with a knife – on Christmas, which happens to be Jesus’ birthday. So how do you handle a public relations nightmare like that? You call your agent and demand $2 million an episode or you’re not coming back. Tiger Woods must feel like a real dumbass right now.”

[Regarding ABC’s development strategy] “I think [entertainment president] Steve McPherson said it best when he said, ‘We”re looking for shows that break the mold, and then introducing a new medical drama from [‘Grey’s Anatomy‘/’Private Practice‘ creator] Shonda Rhimes.”

[“Mistaking” the title of ‘V‘ for a Roman numeral] “I have not missed a single episode of ‘Five.'”

“Watching ‘Lost’ is what I imagine it might be like to be trapped inside the brain of Paula Abdul.”

“All these [media] analysts say the networks are losing ground to cable. I disagree. I believe we’re *gaining* ground on newspapers.”

And there you have it, folks! Next up in upfrontland: CBS and TBS/TNT on Wednesday, then The CW on Thursday.

For breaking news on the fall season, follow Matt Mitovich (aka MattMtvguy) on Twitter, and send any questions to

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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