The MTV Movie Awards are never actually about the awards, don’t you know. It’s an excuse for a goofy party full of “unpredictable” celebrity moments to tie in with the summer blockbuster season by celebrating the enjoyment of popcorn flicks. The show is live this Sunday, June 6, at 9pm EST, and it’s hosted by Aziz Ansari, star of Parks & Recreation who is coming off a career year, and it will also boast the first public appearance from Sandra Bullock since her marriage exploded so dramatically, as she’s being given the “MTV Generation Award,” which is their version of the Lifetime Achievement honor. Just as a kick, though, let’s take a look through the categories and see if we can’t get a sense of who and what we’re going to see, besides Tom Cruise selling Knight and Day by bopping around as Tropic Thunder’s jerk mogul Les Grossman, as we’ve seen already in these promotional clips.
There’s going to be a promotional tie-in with the new Harry Potter film, debuting brand new footage of November’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, so we can’t count them out, as no one thinks much of the integrity of the Movie Award voting system. Results often seem to skew towards their business partners, which might be an issue if there was any sort of prestige at all to these awards. However, Twilight is squarely aimed at MTV’s target audience, and Avatar is the biggest movie in the history of time, so they’ll be very hard to ignore, and the many nominations might be enough to sate Warner Bros. appetite for HP publicity.
BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
If there’s any doubt that this won’t be a Team Edward vs. Team Jacob showdown, there shouldn’t be, so you can just cut all that doubting off right now, Doubting Thomas or Doubting Tammy. With The Twilight Saga: Eclipse growing ever closer, we must all prepare to weather the onslaught of high-pitched squealing that will surely erupt from the crowd at the sight of these dreamboats. Earplugs are recommended.
BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
The first instinct is to say Stewart will get it just out of Twi-hard zealotry, but they may want to milk the hell out of Sandra Bullock’s presence. Then again, Zoe Saldana is on fire lately, and once again, Avatarmania is runnin’ wild. She is the new hotness, and they might decide to let Sandy’s one award appearance stand on its own as an event.
BEST BREAKOUT STAR
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Chris Pine, Star Trek
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
Logan Lerman, Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Quinton Aaron, The Blind Side
Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover
Yes, there are a couple of Oscar nominees here, but this ain’t the Oscars. There’s pretty much no doubt that if they can get Galifianakis to show up and do something crazy, as is his way, then he’s getting the artificial popcorn statuette. If not, our brand new Captain Kirk will get it because he, my friends, is dreamy. It might even be better if Galifianakis loses, because then he may do something even crazier.
Kristen Stewart & Dakota Fanning, The Runaways
Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds, The Proposal
Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner, Valentine’s Day
Zoe Saldana & Sam Worthington, Avatar
This one’s interesting. Do you go with the taboo underage/lesbian kiss, the dreamy Twilight make-out, or the real-life gossip-magnet Taylors? Then again, R-Pattz and K-Stew did win this award last year, and they faked the crowd out with an almost-kiss at the podium, so this year, with all the constant rumors that they’re all up in each other relationship-wise, maybe they’ll take a chance to make a splash and actually confirm they’re dating by going through with it. Of course, there was that whole thing where Pattinson said he was “allergic to vaginas.” Even though he claimed that was a joke, imagine if he actually took the stage and came out of the closet? If there’s any truth to that rumor at all, chances are he’d play it safe and not reveal that until after Breaking Dawn is finished, and his responsibility to be potentially available to teenage girls is complete.
Waltz was obviously the actual Best Villain, but he won the Oscar for it. This is all about naked Ken Jeong, and they got Rainn Wilson naked on stage once, they can do it again with the crazy trunk-dweller.
Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter, Obsessed
Hugh Jackman & Liev Schrieber vs. Ryan Reynolds, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Logan Lerman vs. Jake Abel, Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Robert Downey Jr. vs. Mark Strong, Sherlock Holmes
Sam Worthington vs. Stephen Lang, Avatar
This is where Avatar runs away with it, since nobody saw Percy Jackson, nobody liked Wolverine or Obsessed and no one knows who Mark Strong is (yet – that will change when Green Lantern comes out). Besides, if Avatar doesn’t win the award for Best Fight, considering the visually stunning and massive climactic battle was the best thing about the film, something ain’t right.
BIGGEST BADASS STAR
This is an oddly vague category, one which seems like Sony may have paid for in order to get in a plug for Angelina Jolie and her upcoming action thriller Salt. The trouble is, Jolie is only occasionally badass, while Worthington is pretty much exclusively badass with films like Avatar, Terminator: Salvation and Clash of the Titans, and he has expressed no interest in being anything other than badass for the rest of his career. So he should win, and let’s hope he does, because the man is an unflinchingly candid potty mouth and he has a great chance to say something highly entertaining if he gets up to the podium.
BEST SCARED AS SH*T PERFORMANCE
This is actually a cool category, because most credit usually goes to the villains, rather than the actors who have to really sell the villain by being scared out of their minds. Ideally, this should go to Copley, because his film was amazing, and he stands a good chance thanks to the approaching release of The A-Team, where he’s playing crazy man Murdock. Of course, Drag Me To Hell was pretty impressive, too, and there’s always the possibility that the buzz from the Paranormal Activity phenomenon hasn’t completely petered out yet, and maybe they’ll give an unknown the chance to glow and make everybody feel good.
BEST WTF MOMENT
Betty White feeling up Sandra Bullock and Megan Fox puking is all well and good, and the hot chick Decepticon was funky enough, but if there was any justice, Bill Murray’s amazing surprise appearance in Zombieland would take the prize. However, it’s fairly obvious that this category was invented to give an award to a naked Ken Jeong, which is just fine, because he stars in Community and that’s a damn good show. Then again, given Betty White being in the current zeitgeist and Bullock actually being on hand for the show as well, there’s a good chance we’ll get a re-enactment at the podium. Then again, White might not be up for such tomfoolery after losing her fellow Golden Girl Rue McClanahan this week.
So that’s what you’ve got to look forward to, and no matter how it turns out, you can be sure that that the MTV Movie Awards will be the show it always is – that irreverent celebrity goof-fest that’s really cute for a while but really should have ended about half an hour earlier.