Hump Day came on Tuesday this week as daytime suddenly took a turn for the Cinemax. As a big advocate of tastefully steamy scenes between consenting adults who actually care about each other, I wholeheartedly approve of this day of actual love in the afternoon. Though I am not sure why it happened on a random Tuesday. Maybe all of the primary elections made everyone randy. Amazingly, each of the scenarios managed to perfectly encapsulate the personality of each show.
The Technically Perfect Hook Up: The Young & The Restless
Lately, ‘The Young & The Restless‘ is the Vocal Adrenaline of romance. It’s all there on paper, but there is the lack of passion. The only new or potential couple that is doing anything for me right now is Daniel (Michael Grazadei) and Abby (Marcy Rylan) Both Chance (John Driscoll) and Chloe (Elizabeth Hendricksen) and Mac (Clementine Ford) and J.T. (Thad Luckinbill) have the sort of character driven stories that usually make me invest in a relationship, but due to the intangible chemistry factor, I am not as engaged as I should be. Tuesday, The Young & The Restless’ featured Billy (Billy Miller) and Victoria (Amelia Heinle) getting frisky on her desk, making me again wish I believed that they cannot keep their hands off each other. The scene was well written, well directed, and competently acted, but I was not feeling the sizzle.
The Bold & The Beautiful: The Trashy One Night Stand
‘The Bold & The Beautiful‘ is the guilty pleasure Jackie Collins book of soaps. So it’s fitting that yes, the show actually went there. Oliver (Zack Conroy) and Brooke (Katherine Kelly Lang) managed to accidentally have sex with each other at Hope’s graduation party. Brooke, somehow convinced that fifty-something Ridge has the body of a guy in his early twenties, spent the bulk of the episode trying to seduce Ridge (Ronn Moss) into having more Eyes Wide Shut sex, which she kept flashing back to in all its masked and sequined glory. A Wacky ‘Three’s Company‘ style misunderstanding that I am immature enough to find funny ensued.
Brooke: You know what I’m talking about. We’ve gotten a little unconventional, a little kinky in our time. I don’t know why we didn’t ever think of wearing masks before.
Ridge: Before what?
Brooke: Last night made me think about wearing a mask to bed.
Ridge: I’m not gonna have one of those Beverly Hills housewives with, like, beauty mask mud and stuff and all over, am I?
Only B&B could come up with a plot twist this tacky and make it entertaining. The show is at its best when it’s light and ridiculous.
General Hospital: The Sex That Is Too Dark and Weird To Be Enjoyable
There is little love to be found on ‘General Hospital‘ these days. Most of the major characters are estranged from their current love interests,if they even have them. So it made sense that the sex that what started out as a sensual scene between the only truly happy couple on GH, Lulu(Julie Berman) and Dante (Dominic Zamprogna), soon went awry as Lulu remembered Carly (Laura Wright) telling her that she hopes she thinks of Michael rotting in a prison cell every time she is in bed with Dante. The rest of the episode was devoted to Sonny’s (Maurice Benard) interviewing all his exes a la ‘High Fidelity‘ about whether he is an abusive jerk and Michael (Chad Duell) confiding in Jason (Steve Burton) that he was (nearly?) sexually assaulted. It was interesting and compelling, but it sure was not romantic.
One Life To Live: True Romance
‘One Life To Live’ excels at subtly themed episodes that explore how different characters handle a similar situation. In the aftermath of Bo (Robert Woods) and Nora’s (Hillary Smith) sweet, hilarious wedding which merits a write up of its own, the show decided to devote an entire hour to the amorous feelings the ceremony inspired in everyone who attended. I found this to be one of the most entertaining episodes of OLTL in months. Rex (John Paul Lavoisier) and Gigi’s (Farrah Fath) attempt to make love was spoiled when the TV in the room started blaring a Viagra commercial. Ha! It was the most likeable moment the couple has had since Stacy came to town. Blair (Kassie De Paiva) and Eli (Matt Walton) had another steamy tryst in a hotel room which was noisy enough to disturb Shawn, who was waiting outside. They also had a conversation about potentially getting married, making them yet another daytime couple who is considering taking the plunge after only a couple months of dating. Come on, OLTL. This couple deserves better. Brody (Mark Lawson) and Jessica (Bree Williamson) made love for the first time since she regained her memory, with Lawson’s back doing an admirable job of hiding Williamson’s baby bump. John (Michael Easton) and Natalie (Melissa Archer) got down on a pool table, in a scorching scene that reminded me that once upon a time, before John turned into the king of moping and self-pity, I was a huge Jolie shipper. I am about to make a shameful confession. I found John attractive in those scenes. Not Easton — sad sack John, living proof that a rotten personality can render even the most genetically gifted people unappealing. Maybe it was because he wore a white tank top instead of his ubiquitous black. Maybe it was because he was man enough to let Natalie clean his clock in pool. Whatever the reason, I am scheduling an appointment with a therapist to discuss this disturbing experience. Best of all, was the post-reception romance between Bo and Nora, which involved dancing, eating, and the gift of a license plate from Lindsay. After a build up that tried too hard,the wedding and reception were pitch perfect,not only in terms of being entertaining but in capturing the fun loving, quirky spirit of Bo and Nora. It was so nice to watch an hour of romance between couples who,even if they annoy me, genuinely like each other.