‘Real Housewives of NYC’ Reunion Pt. Deux: Irreconcilable Differences

Last night’s sequel to the ‘Real Housewives of NYC’ Reunion was more recycling of the horrid tiffs that have plagued the felines ad nauseum, but like food poisoning, the grievances needed to be upchucked in order to be ready for…well…another bigger and better case of food poisoning since we know both teams won’t resolve diddly squat.

Here are some highlights that’ll make you believe that “diarrhea of the mouth” is a real ailment…

Karmic Relief
After Jill’s walk-out on last week’s episode, she comes back with her tail between her legs and Kleenex in hand. As much as she was hoping her waterfalls would garner sympathy from the Get Along Gang, she ends up feeling like she got a vasectomy. While Bethenny, Ramona, and Alex take turns lambasting and calling the redhead out on all her mean-spirited shenanigans, we turned our attention to more important matters like: Where’d she get them green pumps?

Essentially, the ladies accuse Jill for wanting to make things right–not because she’s truly sorry–but because she wants to uphold her good girl image and be liked. After much back-and-forth, a penitent Jill screams “I made a lot of mistakes!” and stops defending herself. She admits she didn’t like herself this season. Girly gets a taste of her own medicine, and it tastes like Ick!

Feeling ‘Primed’
“I hope everyone’s getting as much sex as I am,” Sonja coos casually. Talking about sex is always a nice distraction. And that’s why we heart Sonja Morgan. Dressed like a virgin in lily white, the blond sets the record straight–even to teeny bopper Kelly: “Just because you’re divorced you’re not dead.” Preach it, sistah girl!

The ladies welcome her with open arms and applaud her sexually liberated montage. Her presence is a lesson to the rest of the cast that maybe if they concentrated on getting more boom shaka lakalaka, they’d be less inclined to scratch each other’s faces off.

Watch Part 1 of the Reunion:

[iframe http://xfinitytv.comcast.net/tv/The-Real-Housewives-of-New-York-City/98644/1519289291/Season-3-Reunion%2C-Part-1/embed 580 476]

Attack on Planet Kelly
Unfortunately, even with Andy gingerly coaxing (subconsciously begging) Kelly to give a coherent explanation about her mental shortcomings, it looks like all hope is lost. The giant ‘goes there’ and declares that she now has a platform, having been the victim of “systematic bullying.” Ramona’s left eye turns pink with rage; Bethenny feels her water breaking again. “You’re delusional,” she snaps. The She-Goliath ignores her and continues her victimized status by accusing Bravo of forcing her to go on Scary Island. Andy politely disagrees with her, and of course, being the 4th grader that she is, she argues with the hostess with the mostess that her version of events is based on reality.

Even the Countess, who’s main function at the reunion seems to be to silently represent the Drag Queens of America, speaks up in her frenemies’ defense by saying it looked like Kelly had “instigated a lot” from the footage. Once Kelly replies that she can’t believe she had stooped down to her bullies’ level, Alex’s oversized choppers angrily emerge and her lips disappear. “It’s like talking to Humpty Dumpty,” Bethenny declares as the Sasquatch walks off the set. Her neurons just can’t handle non-fictional situations.

The Final Battle
Goodies still await us in the final installment of Rich Ladies Gone Mad! There will be more attacks on the Nut Case, Ramona goes postal on Jill, and in turn, Jill pulls the skirt over Alex’s eyes with her accusations on the latter’s salacious leg-spreading proclivities!

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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