‘Bachelor’ Break-Up Special: Vienna Storms Out On ‘Fame Whore’ Jake

Jake and Vienna in happier times (ABC)

Jake and Vienna in happier times (ABC)

Jake and Vienna: They (Sure as Hell) Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’
Even Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards would’ve said Daaaamn! at Monday night’s He Said/She said ‘Bachelor Break Up Special’ debacle! But what inquiring minds really wanted to know was: What was up with Jake and Vienna being forced to share that Hobbit-sized couch? Never mind. Tensions were so high, we figured Chris Harrison was about to Krump in Hammer pants just to lighten the mood!

Vienna stole the show not because she was more believable, but rather, she wouldn’t let Fakey Jakey get in a word edgewise, although he did have his share of mean-spirited jabs and one cave man outburst. The She-Man accused him of plenty — of emotional abuse, of being a ‘fame whore,’ and of refusing to bump uglies with her.

“It felt like a relationship when cameras were rolling or we were out on a red carpet, but when we were at home [it was] lonely. I just wanted him to be around me and talk to me and kiss me like a normal relationship,” Vienna said.

Jake, for his part, slammed her for creepin’ around with a no-name ABC actor, continually “undermining” him (she didn’t know what the word meant), selling him out to the tabloids, and throwing tantrums.

“She breaks me down, she undermines me, she’s mean… this is it, right here,” Jake said. He also claimed, “She’s like a tabloid. You get 40 percent of the truth.”

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But things got crazy heated when the arguing turned toward more serious subjects like Jake twittering too much, GPS systems being pulled out and thrown, and furniture being moved! And the kicker was when Vienna was about to call the ASPCA on the wannabe actor for demeaning her sickly pooch and sending it back to Florida because of its lack of shart control! Can someone give Jake a “pol-ee-o-graph” test, as Vienna called it, to prove that he’s “the biggest fake liar”?

“I’m so mad at you. I’m disgusted with you,” Jake steamed. “You are a fame whore is what you are,” Vienna threw back.

In the end Vienna ended the outrageous bickering by storming out in tears (because that’s what 10-year-old girls do when they don’t feel like they’re being heard), while Mr. Blondie looked on quietly and generally maintained a Joe Cool demeanor via squinty eyes and thin pursed lips.

“Unfortunately, that’s what one of our arguments looks like,” Jake summed up. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

So here’s the question: Whose team were you on? (I know, you’re going to say neither, but just play with us for a sec.) And who do you think was more believable? Did Jake’s composure make Vienna’s immature squawking look like the losah?

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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