Oh, that Frank Neuschaefer. Underneath that emotional unassuming dorky exterior lurks…a vile part-time lover?! Could be, say some ‘Bachelorette’ conspiracy theorists. Rumor has it that the wannabe screenwriter reunites with his ex and bows out of Ali Fedotowsky’s game of love right before the overnight dates in Tahiti. (And yes, the other rumor is that he was contractually obligated to abide by ABC’s set up.)
Before the real (i.e. boring) story comes out and we experience the tears drip drop from both Frank and Ali’s tiny eyeballs, we’d like to take a stab at the possible dark secret Frankenberry’s been hiding behind those nerd-rimmed glasses just in time for tonight’s home town dates.
Here’s our top 10 imagined secrets:
10. He’s originally a twin, and his undeveloped twin is still attached to his man boobs.
9. There’s a warrant out for his arrest for trying to water balloon the Screen Writers Guild headquarters for rejecting his membership.
8. He had a ménage a trois with Jillian and Ed and was the cause of their split.
7. Devastated that he refuses to clean his room, his parents have threatened to confiscate his Wii.
6. He recently starred in an episode of ‘Intervention’ for his addiction to speed.
5. He’s actually an alien from the Planet Emo.
4. He eats way too much lobster right before the overnight date…and shellfish gives him hives in places we cannot speak of.
3. He’s been Facebook stalking Chris Harrison for the last 6 months and is in love with him.
2. When he was a young boy, he was part of an undercover neurological experiment in which part of his brain was replaced with that of a Jack Russell Terrier.
1. He’s not really a screenwriter. He works at the Gap and…well, that’s it.
What happens when Frank and Ali have their fortunes read?
Now that we’ve shared our lovely little ideas, how about you? What do you think he’s hiding that makes Ali cry in those relentless previews?