Is ‘Bachelorette’ Ali Devastated Or Engaged?! Can You Handle the Truth?

Ali (Rick Rowell/ABC)

Ali Fedotowsky (Rick Rowell/ABC)

Reality dating show rumors. They’re delish for ratings but not for the contestants, and for ‘Bachelorette’ Ali Fedotowsky, the gossip ish has hit the fan. The questions is: Which rumor is true, dadgummit? Here are a few juicy stories that’ll get your BS meter swaying…

Last Wednesday, InTouch Weekly reports through sources that Ali’s “devastated” by the outcome of the show and is betrayed not only by Frank Neuschaefer but also Roberto Martinez and Chris Lambton! What the FFFFF?!

While we already know that Frankenstein supposedly waddles back into the arms of his ex, Nicole Caruso, what we didn’t know is this: Oooh Roberto! had allegedly been dating a gal named Gabrielle Ortiz for a few months when–according to her–he suddenly “disappeared.” Next thing she knows he’s salsa dancing with Ali on ‘The Bachelorette!’ “I just wanted to slap him in the face. He’s just a really good liar,” she says.

And what about that syrupy sweet mama-lovin’ Chris L? Apparently, he’s not as shy as he makes out. While the Massachusetts boy may love to eat crabs, sources claim he might just have them–in his undies! “He goes to the same two bars most nights and is not shy about taking different girls home with him. It’s not just one girl. It’s multiple girls,” claims an insider.

Interestingly, a couple days later, complements the story by quoting Ali as saying she was well aware of the “strong possibility” that she’d finish the show without a sparkly. End of story, right? Wrong-o.

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On the very same day, makes a claim that Ali is not only “confident” in her decision but that in fact she’s engaged and eager to step out with her husband-to-be!

So who should we believe?! Well, just in case the truth ends up being that Miss Putty Tat is single, broken-hearted, jobless, and homeless, we thought of 10 imagined (i.e. comical) ways Ali could move forward and fill that gaping hole in her heart:

10. Get a puppy and eat some chocolate.
9. Become part of Patti Stanger’s harem and find love on Bravo’s ‘Millionaire Matchmaker.’ Or become a millionaire and let Patti get to pimpin’.
8. Move to LA and get a job as an account manager at eHarmony—surely, Ali would find a larger pool of exceptionally sensitive men to choose from—with a thousand compatibility questions to back her up.
7. Join a food co-op and hook up with a granola hippie–hey, at least she’d know he’d probably be the last person who’d sell his soul to a reality dating show.
6. Return to San Fran, resume her job at Facebook, and make it her personal mission to destroy Justin and Frank’s profiles.
5. Move to Chicago, get a swanky pad with newly single ‘Bachelorette’ Jillian Harris, and go to town like it’s Sex in the City.
4. Move to Chicago, get a swanky pad with newly single bachelor Ed Swiderski, and go to town like he *is* Sex in the City.
3. Embark on an Eat, Pray, Love adventure…but be careful with the Eat part.
2. Go lesbian.
1. Enlist as Al Gore’s personal massage therapist.

So which stories do you believe? Care to add to our list?

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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