‘True Blood’: The One Where Everybody Dies

True Blood (HBO)

True Blood (HBO)

This episode of ‘True Blood‘ should be called “The One Where Everybody Dies.  Three major recurring characters bite the dust in a gore fest that also features redneck stereotypes, a gay marriage allegory, and a cheesy dream sequence.  I cannot say that I loved it, but it certainly moved the plot along.

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Sookie is fighting with Lorena.  Torture-weakened Bill joins the fight, harming her just enough for Sookie to stake her. Blood gushes all over Bill.  It’s grotesque.  Body count: one.  The struggle leaves Bill unconscious. Sookie tells Alcide and Tara that she will not leave her wimpy, morally ambiguous man behind.  White Trash werewolf Debbie Pelt pulls a gun on them.  She admits she would have given up everything for Alcide but he wouldn’t give in to her baby rabies.  Apparently, Alcide is opposed to bringing a little werewolf into a cruel, human dominated world.  Alcide disarms her, and shoots Cooter. Body count: two. He pulls the gun on Debbie.  Unfortunately, he spares her life.  I would like to see Debbie in a Foxy boxing match with Tonya Harding.

Sookie is carried out of king Russell’s plantation.  I like that Sookie is rescuing her man, even if she needs to get with big hunk of werewolf Alcide.    They drive away in Alcide’s tool-filled van.  Sookie uses a saw to slice her arm open and feed Bill some of her blood. Bill revives, and attacks her, nearly draining her.  I think this is going to lead to some serious trust issues down the road.  Are there relationship counselors in Bon Temps?   Tara kicks Bill out of the van, and leaves him in the sun to die.  I like how Tara has become the new slayer.  It’s a constructive use of her anger. Bill revives and runs, apparently able to withstand the sun due to Sookie’s blood.  Just get him a magic ring that lets him go out in the daylight, and be done with it.

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At the hospital, the doctor informs Alcide and Tara that they cannot establish a blood type for Sookie.  They are unable to treat her.  Tara calls Jason to inform him that Sookie’s in a coma. She, Jason and Lafayette play soap opera cliche scene 567 – begging her to wake up because they need her in her life.  Sookie experiences another soap classic: the coma dream sequence.  In this one, she is wearing a white dress.  She finds herself near a pond full of what appear to be dancing nymphs. A woman named Claudine pours her a glass of glowing water.  She wants Sookie to enter the pond.  Sookie says she can’t swim. It  gets dark.  Bill arrives at the hospital and offers to save Sookie with his blood.  Jason agrees to let Bill try over Tara’s objections. Claudine tells Sookie not to go back because Bill will “take her light” from her as everything goes dark.  After Bill donates his blood, Sookie wakes up screaming.   I suspect that Claudine has something to do with Jason’s mystery girl Crystal, and that this all has to do with Sookie’s magic light shooting hands.  But the overall effect was like a bad movie about ancient Greece.

Get to know King Russell:

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Royal Wedding

Eric asks a caged Queen Sophie-Anne why she’s so interested in Sookie.  When she won’t answer, he drinks one of the Queen’s favorite girls, Sookie’s cousin Hadley.  The magister tries to arrest Eric and Sophie-Ann, but Russell refuses to accept his authority.  Russell manages to chain up the magister and commences torturing him. Under duress, the magister marries Russell and Pam, though he says the authority won’t recognize the marriage.  I sense that this is an allegory for gay marriage, though I am not sure why Alan Ball would want to equate a man forcing a woman who hates him to be his bride with the cause.  Russell vows to take the world back from the humans. Then he beheads the magister.  Body count 3!

Dog Day Afternoon

In what is rapidly becoming my pick for ‘True Blood’s worst storyline ever, Sam shapeshifts into a pit bull to infiltrate a dog fighting ring and rescue his brother Tommy.  Sam goes PETA and frees all the caged dogs, before ordering his trailer trash dad to give Tommy his clothes. Can King Russell please kill this whole storyline?

Boring Bon Temps

Jason sits around in his underwear moping about Crystal to Hoyt. Summer, the Christian Hoyt went out on a date with in an earlier episode, drops by with pastries and declares she wants to be his girlfriend.  Anyone who would make that much effort for Hoyt has a screw loose.  Jason interrogates Crystal’s cousin, who is in jail. He offers to tell all about the mystery woman in exchange for meth. Lafayette refuses to hook Jason up with drugs.


“You sure picked a dumb ass time to call me bitch, bitch.” — Debbie to Sookie, while holding a gun on her.

“You’re just a scared man in saggy underpants with no discernible life skills whatsoever.” – Sam accurately assessing his father.

”I never really thought I was smart enough to get depressed.”- Jason, in a rare moment of self-awareness.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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