Top 5 Ways to Get Rid of ‘Real’ Housewife Danielle Staub

Danielle Staub, Caroline Manzo, 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' (Photo: Bravo)

Danielle Staub, Caroline Manzo, 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' (Photo: Bravo)

Da-da-da dumb! Are you ready for Monday’s long-awaited ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey‘ gangsta finale?!

In a sneak peek clip, Mama Manzo has awoken from her Staub-ghoulish slumber and is ready to cock-some-doodle doos!

“I’m so tired of watching you guys battle this lunatic,” the red rooster crows to her clan over a beefed up Chef Boyardee-laden spaghetti dinner. “Can we find a solution to make her go away?”

The answer: A Caroline vs. Danielle smackdown!

In light of recent reports that only three of the New Jersey wives have been asked back next season (so far), it appears Manzo may get her wish because Staub may not be one of them. So before we watch Caroline’s beak go ‘Mean Streets’ on the Narcissistic Troublemaker in the season finale, here are the top five things we think Mama M could do to convince The Darkness to go away:

5. She can help Danielle find her long-lost birth mother so that the 47-year-old can “smell her” as long as she wants and realize for her own good that her mama’s pheromones are not that of a human, but rather of an androgynous chimp.

4. She can promise to manhandle the duplicitous Kim G. by stretching her face back even more than it is so she’ll no longer be able to move her lips to spew out any more postmenopausal tirades.

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3. She can pay for a full-body makeover for ex-con Danny Provenzano, which includes revamping his 80’s ‘Charles in Charge‘ haircut.

2. She can put Teresa Giudice in a gorilla cage for 10 minutes and let Danielle throw bananas at her while donning Chanel couture that the Neanderthal can’t afford to buy anymore.

1. She can get Andy Cohen to give Danielle her own spin-off show so she can devote more airtime to cash-in on her two daughters’ “singing” and “modeling” careers.

Well, there you have it, folks! What do you think will happen when these two hard-headed Housewives come face-to-face? Care to add to our list?

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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