‘Real Housewives of DC’ Recap: The Art of Republican Bashing

The Real Housewives of DC (Bravo)

The Real Housewives of DC (Bravo)

Sweet lawdy, things are moving in turtle mode with the ‘Real Housewives of DC’! The drama is hardly, my dearest chappies (which is why I’m guessing I’m the only decrepit soul watching this show), but I must admit that the Cirque du Salahis are a fascinating case study in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As for Cat and her provocations, well…they’re actually starting to get amusing in that divalicious way that gay men wholly worship.

For those of you who want to know if this recap is worth reading, last night’s episode brings Facebook incrimination, lies, cucumber sandwiches, and Republican vertigo! Interested?

Here are the highlights!

FBI (Fibbing Bullying Instigator)
After inhaling his and Michaele’s share of dinner at the winery, Tareq gets a bad case of indigestion, and rather than taking his usual inhuman dose of Extra Strength Gas-X, he decides to unleash his angry bloat on Mary. Out of nowhere, he tells her—in front of Stacie and Jason—that a car was stolen, along with polo gear and uniforms, and that Mary’s 23-year-old daughter Lolly had written something on Facebook insinuating she had been a part of the theft!

“You are directly implicating my daughter,” says a shocked Mary. Satisfied that he’s gotten the mother of five close to wee-weeing in her panties, Tareq adds fuel to the fire by claiming the FBI is investigating the theft and that “everybody’s going to jail.” Michaele, having remained silent in fear that the massive wrinkles on her upper lip might reveal her age, quickly remarks that no one should “condone stealing.” By now, waterfalls are pouring out of Mary’s eyeballs, while Jason and Stacie are vehemently sticking up for her.

Although Lolly admits to writing something shady on Facebook, she denies Tareq’s theft accusations and says he’s just plain “craaazy.” Mary and Rich do some investigating on their own and find that Tareq had totally lied about the FBI investigation. Conclusion? “Michaele and Tareq make sh-t up because they want to deflect their own sh-t,” states Mary, as we see Lolly’s dog burying what looks like a torn up polo jersey in the backyard.

Are You A ‘Real’ Housewife? The Top 10 Warning Signs!

Tea for Two…and a Cucumber Sandwich
Republican health care lobbyist Edwina Rogers, who apparently believes in wearing eyeliner as was custom in ancient Egypt, invites Cat for tea in the hopes she might convince the Brit to support her cause. But little did the frozen-faced lobbyist know what she had gotten herself into!

In her trademark caustic fashion, Cat starts to unleash her disapproval on America’s privatized health care and complains about accruing $23,000 in medical debt since moving to the States. Wide-eyed Edwina sips her tea nervously and quickly asks her to eat a cucumber sandwich. Not finished with her anti-Republican tirade, Cat asks Edwina if she voted for the McCain-Palin ticket, to which she says yes.

Cat: “Do you think [Palin would] make a good vice president?”
Edwina: “I think she’d have been fine.” [sips her tea frantically]
Cat [incredulous]: “Do you really?”
Edwina: “Would you consider being a Republican?”
Cat [laughing]: “Not in a million years. You guys are a dying breed!”

Unhealthy Party
To spread her agenda (whatever that may be), Edwina decides to throw a health care reform party. Although staunch Democrats, Stacie and Jason decide to come to hear her ideas and seem to be more uncomfortable about seeing Michaele and Tareq than being amid a throng of right-wingers.

Hoping to get thrown out—or better yet, never to be invited to a Republican bash again—Cat decides to embarrass the crap out of Edwina and her entourage by dressing up like Sarah Palin in a brown wig, conservative JC Penny business suit, and a name tag that simply says ‘Alaska.’ Stacie and Jason’s mouths drop when they see the audacious Brit strutting through the door.

But while Cat’s getting her yucks on, she bumps into Michaele’s personal assistant who called her “bitchy” at the grape-stomping event. Having taken off her wig and revealing her three-day-old unwashed hair, Cat confronts her head-on and says she had no right to say the B-word. Dressed in a bright Pepto Bismol number, Michaele whisks over to protect her assistant.

Assistant [in a snobbish way to Cat]: “You’re really taking it way too seriously.”
Michaele [sarcastically]: “Did you just have a big brunette wig on?”
Cat [shooting back]: “Yeah, did you just have a shocking pink dress on?”

Before either one of Tareq’s properties could retort, Cat saunters away with Stacie to plant the wig in Michaele’s purse.

It’s Her Party & She Can Get Vertigo If She Wants To
My, my. The Hostess is nowhere to be found! Wherever could she be? While everyone’s sipping on champagne and Cat’s making fun of Edwina’s absence, we find out the lobbyist has rolled away—in a gurney by paramedics! Apparently, girlfriend had a case of vertigo and was thus, a no-show! Daang, we don’t want to see her medical bill; they charge you extra for going to the ER…

The episode ends in a most prescient fashion with Michaele and an unnamed gentleman having a convo. He says to her: “In this city, your credibility is everything, and once that goes, it’s gone.”

We’ll drink to that.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.


Comments are closed.