‘True Blood’ Season Finale Recap: No Happy Endings

Anna Paquin in True Blood (HBO)

Anna Paquin in True Blood (HBO)

I was stoked for last night’s ‘True Blood‘ third season finale. I was prepared for an epic humans versus vampires and werewolves war.  Instead, there was way more set up than pay off, and half the action happened off camera.  What a disappointing end to an otherwise stellar season.

Building A Solid Foundation

We open on Russell and Eric lying next to the handicapped parking space at Fangtasia as they burn in the sun.  Eric has a vision of Godrick telling him to end the feud and embrace peace.  It’s cheesy, even if it is great to see Godrick again.

Meanwhile Sookie has a vision of what looks like a giant fairy space ship bedore she wakes up in Fangtasia.  She slaps Bill for betraying her.  His explanation that he was only pretending to betray her does not impress her. When she finds out about the daywalk scam, she runs to the parking lot to save Eric.  Russell, whose skin now looks like toast on the darkest setting, angers her to use her power.  Light shoots out of her hand and breaks the handcuffs.  Sookie drags Eric inside.  She orders Bill to bite her, then has Eric drink from her arm.  They have now all exchanged bodily fluids, so Bill and Eric have sort of had sex by proxy.  When Eric wakes up he tells them about his vision of Godrick and says they have to bring Russell back inside.  For some reason, this sways Sookie.  In the club, Russell coughs up a fang. Ha!

Sookie orders both Bill and Eric  to sleep it off in their coffins while she watches a chained up Russell.   When she realizes he hopes to figure out a way to resurrect Talbot, she pours Russell’s jar of goop down the sink and turns on the garbage disposal.  Bye, bye Talbot Jell-O.  I hope Eric has Drano.

Alcide arrives. Hooray!  These past few episodes have been sorely lacking in werewolf beefcake.  He exposits that Eric summoned him.  He says sappy stuff about how glad he is to see Sookie again.  Why Sookie does not jump his bones right then and there is beyond me.   When Bill and Eric wake up at nightfall, Sookie rescinds both of their invitations to her house.  I like pissed off Sookie.

‘True Blood’s 10 Most Memorable Moments Of The Season

Alcide drives Russell to a building foundation.  Eric and Bill prepare to cover him with concrete and leave him to suffer hungry and immobile, for at least 100 years. Godrick Wan Kenobi appears again and tells Eric to stop being a hater. Eric yells that Godrick is the one who made him so vengeful.  How much would it suck to buy a house and realize that the world’s most evil vampire was trapped in the foundation?   Eric and Bill thoroughly coat Russell with cement.

Finally, the episode gets interesting when Bill goes rogue and covers Eric in cement.  He uses Eric’s phone to disguise his voice as Eric’s and order a hit on Pam.  Dark Bill can stick around.  When he shows up at Sookie’s door, she immediately invites him inside.  Way to stand your ground, Sook.  He tells her he intends to kill everyone who knows she’s a fairy, even if it means losing her. Wouldn’t it make more sense to encourage her to develop her powers so she could stop vamps from drinking her blood whenever they get the urge to daywalk? Stop being overprotective, Bill.

Eric shows up covered in cement.  We later learn that Pam dug him out. This means that weaker, chained up, Russell should be able to free himself in a few weeks if he summons his progeny.  Eric reveals Bill originally came to Bon Temps because Sophie Ann assigned him to procure Sookie.  Bill hired two psychos to beat her so he could feed her his blood the night that they met.  Sookie accuses Bill of manipulating her into falling in love with her and disinvites him from her house.  Sookie tells Eric to leave too. Sookie’s pulling a Kelly Taylor and choosing herself.  Or Alcide.

Pam casually tells Eric that she killed Rueben when he showed up to take her out.  That would have been a nice scene to show, especially given all the filler in this episode.

Queen Sophie Ann shows up to visit Bill.  She’s wearing black, reveling in what she believes is her widow status.  She asks him to bring her Sookie.  Bill refuses, saying he lured her under false pretenses.  Only one of them will live.  They begin to fight.  So, I guess that’s a cliffhanger, if you believe there is a chance that the show would kill off its leading man.

Sookie visits Gram’s grave.  Claudine and a bunch of fairies appear.  She tells Sookie to come with her and the other faries.  They disappear into the light.  That’s how the episode ends.  Seriously.  As Sookie said, being a fairy is lame.

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Tara Gets Rid of Those Tacky Braids

Sam confides his shapeshifter status to Tara.  She is not pleased that her friend with benefits is more than human. Sam apologizes to Terry for being an ass  in the prior episode.  That was a key scene to include in finale. Nobody would have been able to sleep during the hiatus without knowing whether Sam and Terry were friends again. Sam finds his house trashed and his money missing.

Tara catches her mother sleeping with the very married Reverend Daniels. She is disgusted with her continued trashy behavior.  Tara cuts off her braids.  It’s very ‘Felicity.’ She decides to drop by Merlotte’s, but when she gets to the parking lot, she keeps driving.  So the cliffhanger is Tara might leave town.  Or maybe she’s just going to drive around for an hour.  That’s a real nailbiter.

Sam tracks down Tommy in the woods with a gun and orders him to give him his money back. Tommy scoffs that his brother will never shoot him.  Sam fires off a round.  Maybe Tommy is dead.  Is it a cliffhanger if a character everyone hates might die?

This Drug Bust Is A Bust

Jason asks Andy to stop the Hot Shot drug bust.  Andy warns Jason he’ll never be a real cop if he tips them off.  He does it anyway.  Crystal’s Dad wants to get rid of the V.  Her brother/cousin shoots a member of the clan and refuses to give up their supply.  He pulls a gun on Crystal and orders her to get in his truck.  She asks Jason to take care of her inbred werepanther family.  If I cared about their relationship, this would be powerful.  Unfortunately, I don’t.  After all that, we do not even see the raid. We just see a handcuffed Jason at the police station, his cop dreams presumably over.  What was the point of this story?  I wanted to see a crazy werepanther attack that set a chain of events in motion resulting in Russell freeing himself and becoming the actual governor of Louisiana.

A Little Bit of Romance

Hoyt’s mother and Summer stage an intervention to get him to dump Jessica.  His mother threatens to disinherit him even though she has no money.  Hoyt responds by asking Jessica to marry him.  It’s nice to see  one happy couple in Bon Temps.  His mother buys a gun. That, again, is not much of a cliffhanger.

Sweet Jesus, He’s A Witch

Lafayette has a vision of Arlene being strangled by Rene who tells her they’re in Hell. He calls Jesus and says he has been seeing ghosts.  Jesus tells him the same thing happened when he learned to perform magic.  He reveals he’s a witch. Is he connected to Holly?  I guess that’s a cliffhanger.


“You’re a witch who’s a nurse who’s a dude.” — Lafayette summing up Jesus’s identity.

“You just rationalized away all need for law enforcement” – Andy to Jason.

“Don’t you think being a shapeshifter is something you should tell somebody before you sleep with them?” – Tara, making a good point to Sam.

What did you think of last night’s ‘True Blood’ finale? Did it live up to all of your expectations, or fall short?

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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