‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: Revenge of the Maneater!

'Jersey Shore' (MTV)

'Jersey Shore' (MTV)

Playa hatin’ on Angelina was the name of the game on last night’s ‘Jersey Shore,’ home slices! Looks like the guys are keeping score, and they don’t like seeing the Staten Islander snagging more smoosh points than them…plus her perpetual fibbing, laziness, gossiping, and princess behavior doesn’t help her out, either.

Let’s jump to the highlights!

Angelina’s B-day Suit = Pajamas
Angelina takes Jose out for his birthday and invites Ronnie and Sam to come along so it appears that she has friends. When the girls frolic to the ladies room to do #2, Jose tells the Koopa Troopa a couple things: 1) Angelina forbade him to see other girls. 2) He’s gotten the message that he and the Scarecrow from Staten Island aren’t an item, especially since she bumped uglies with Vinny.

“Jose’s definitely getting played, like a piano,” says Ronnie. (Yes, our stout lil Don Ron would know since he’s been the piano player himself many times.)

Once back at the house, Angelina allows Jose to play toesies with her in the smoosh room as bed bugs and unspeakable bodily fluids (from smooshers past) seep into their skin. Since it’s that sacred time of the month for Angelina, all bets are off: “No birthday sex for Jose, sorry,” she tells the camera. Was it really her womanly issues that stopped her or could it have been the Susan B. Anthony-sized birthmark on Jose’s arm that turned her off? I guess we’ll never know…

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The Double Standard Rule
Mustering all her wisdom, Angelina decides that the best way to get the boys in the house off her back is to lie to them and say that Jose was on her back last night.

“Banging Vinny one day, banging Jose the next day…Angelina, you’re gettin it in,” says a disapproving Situation. Both the boys and girls take turns on camera calling her a “loosey goosey” and “whore.” They know they’re judging her by a double standard, but in their eyes, it’s just natural for the dudes to bring home hoochie after hoochie and unnatural for the ladies in the house to mack like them.

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Offense After Offense
Everyone goes out to da club, and—what’s this?!!! Angelina ends up bumpin and grinding with Snooki’s old hook-up Dennis!

Disgusted and annoyed, the orange Oompa Loompa grumpily tells the camera that Angelina just loves her “sloppy seconds.”

But Scarecrow’s Enemy #1 (a.k.a. The Situation) isn’t paying attention to the developing drama since a girly girl in heat traipses over to him. “I”m a Canadian model,” she exclaims. Without a word, The Situation pulls up his shirt to show her his work of art like a peacock shaking its tailfeathers.

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Dirty Diapers
Because The Situation’s trying to impress his Canadian model before she jumps into his rickety cot for some bow chicka wow wow, he decides to clean the filth in the house. He immediately starts attacking Angelina, who’s away at the beach with her friend, for being lazy and never helping with the chores. As he begins to tidy up the bathroom, he sees one of her dirty lady diapers exposed on the floor! And now he’s had it! He screams like a girl, shows everyone in the house what the “trashbag” left out, and then shoves the evidence underneath her pillow.

Being the pimp that she is, Angelina returns to the house with a new man by her side and embarrassingly, finds the dirty diaper on her bed. Once they’re all in the living room, The Situation goes into battle mode calling her a “dirty little hamster” and that the only thing she’s good at is “being a ho!” By now, Angelina’s livid: “Get outta my face!” she screams at her metrosexual roommate and begins smacking him upside the head! Fleas come popping out!

So what’s up with this double standard, peeps? Even if you disagree, who out there actually likes Angelina?

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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