Letterman Apologizes to Rachael Ray For Hunger Rant

On last night’s ‘Late Show,’ David Letterman took time out to apologize for something we won’t see until Friday. Apparently, peppy TV cook Rachael Ray stopped by last night’s taping to promote her latest show, and she found herself dealing with Letterman getting himself worked into an angry lather about the obnoxiously wasteful American television food shows in contrast to the problem of global starvation.

“Rachael, I’m very sorry. I got carried away,” Dave said. “I’ll admit, you had every reason to be alarmed. I’m so sorry.”

Letterman’s show tapes two shows on Monday and airs one of them on Friday nights, so we’ll need to tune in then to see if it was as bad as it sounds, but apparently he got an email this morning from Ray’s publicist asking if he was mad at her. “No, I’m not mad at Rachael,” he insisted. “I’m just nuts. There’s something wrong with me. So, if you see Rachael, tell her I’m sorry. She didn’t do anything wrong.”

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Dave tried to explain how his rant started, and he wound up going on a tear all over again about our “culture of abundance,” saying things like “there’s no point in going on a diet because this culture will beat you out of your diet,” and “a billion people are starving, fifty million people are starving in this country. They go to bed hungry, but before they doze off, let’s watch ‘Cupcake Wars.’ Does that make any sense?”

“There’s another show where a guy goes around and he tries to eat himself sick,” he complained. “The goal of the show is ‘I don’t care what it is. I’m going to eat until I explode.’ He gets paid to do that. He goes to a different city every week and tries to consume something huge, like the size of this desk. ‘Oh, nobody’s ever eaten this waffle before! Good luck, Pepe!’ So these are programs ideal for the kids who go to bed hungry every night. Let’s see the fat guy stuff himself and founder like a race horse.”

“By the way,” he noted, “I think if you give, like, five bucks to the World Food Programme, they can feed a family of four or five people with rice for a week. It’s not that hard. Here’s what’s frustrating to me about the problem. Of all the problems in the world that are insurmountable, world hunger is one that can be conquered. We have the resources, we have the administration means, we have the money, we have everything we need, we have plenty of food. There’s no reason for these people to be going hungry. That’s what’s irritating to me about it. Then you have the two networks that are 24 hours – there are two food networks in this country! How ’bout zesty summer salads? Oh, fine!

“In parts of Africa, kids eat dirt just so their stomachs have a full feeling,” he emphasized angrily. “Zesty summer salads? Come on, really?”

Letterman’s loyal bandleader Paul Shaffer concurred that Dave had gotten carried away with his valid point, but he gave the host the chance to turn this anger into something funny by asking if he was mad at Ray for having too many shows. Dave laughed and mocked his own righteous anger, saying that “there are kids in this country who have no shows! There are millions of kids who don’t have any TV shows, this woman’s got a damn dozen of them!”

He quickly waved it off as a joke, though. “Not mad at her,” he insisted, “there really is something wrong with me. I don’t know what it is and I’m seeking professional help.”

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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