Joan Rivers was in rare form last night on ‘Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,’ ripping into celebrities left and right and busting out a lot of blue material that left Fallon completely speechless with stunned laughter for most of the interview. Be forewarned – this one gets pretty dirty.
She came out with a glass of champagne in her hand (and she may have knocked a few back before coming on stage) to plug Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, and she opened with a big announcement that she had just gotten engaged… to a Chilean miner. “They’re great lovers,” she joked. “These men can go down for two hours at a time before they panic.”
She then started ripping into Betty White, Jamie Lee Curtis and Sally Field for taking all the spokesperson jobs for older women. “Jamie Lee Curtis, Activia?” she complained. “If anybody knows the heartache of constipation, you’re talking to her. I haven’t had a good s–t in three weeks!”
Wow. Just wow. And that’s not all. She’s bitter about the Field being the face of Boniva, too. “Sally Field’s the kind of girl you sleep with and the next morning you wake up and you’re in a bathtub full of ice with a kidney missing.” That one flabbergasted Fallon so much he wound up “snotting all over the place.”
The harshest rebuke came later, when she was talking about her reality show with her daughter Melissa Rivers, and then segued into ripping into Angelina Jolie – or, in her words, “the one with the big vagina lips.”
“Those horrible children,” Rivers blurted. “Every time you look around, there’s another horrible child, and the father?” To indicate Brad Pitt, she made a marijuana-smoking gesture. “Doesn’t know where the hell he is. He’s gonna stop smoking and he’s gonna go ‘who the hell are these kids?'”
“She stands there and she says things to you – she really believes it,” she continued. “‘If I can make one person happy, Joan, I’ll die content.’ And I think ‘just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband!'”
She also took a swipe at Nicole Kidman. “Very thin. ‘Does the tampon make me look fat?’ She’s always in a red dress with a white, white face – she looks like a ketchup bottle.”
Again… wow. Just… wow.