Stephen Colbert opened last night’s ‘Colbert Report’ by ripping into reality television stars Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian and the disturbing new show ‘Bridalplasty,’ where newly-engaged women compete for plastic surgery before their wedding day.
In his ‘Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger’ segment, he doffed his chapeau sarcastically to E! for their reality efforts. “E! answers the difficult questions that keep you up at night,” Colbert noted, “like ‘who the hell is Kendra and why am I four hours into a Kendrathon?'”
But that was really only a side jab, as the focus of the bit was on ‘Bridalplasty,’ joking about how it will help save the institution of marriage because “marriage isn’t really obsolete – it just needed its septum shattered and reformed.”
“Each week, the Frankenbrides compete to win a surgical procedure from their wishlist,” Colbert explained, saying it included liposuction and ‘second toe shortening.’ “Don’t worry. Reality shows believe in using every part of the contestant. That lipo fat is going straight to the ‘Ace of Cakes.’ Sounds delicious, I know.”
At the end of the competition, the winner’s new face will be revealed at a celebrity style wedding once the veil is lifted. “And then she’ll hear the words every woman longs to hear,” he quipped. “‘I do… not recognize you.'”
He also gave a stern wag of his finger to AIDS, before proceeding to mock the new fundraising efforts by celebrities refusing to use Twitter or Facebook until fans raise a million dollars for AIDS research – or, more specifically, Kim Kardashian’s participation.
“That’s right, ladies and gentlemen,” he said in his grave deadpan. “Kim Kardashian is going to stop tweeting. Folks, I don’t know about you, but for me, AIDS just got real.”
“These celebrities are saying that they are digitally dead,” he continued. “No, Kim! You’re too young to not give us minute-to-minute updates that fill the empty void in our lives with the empty void in yours!”
Colbert did support the cause, though, by plugging Buylife.org and asking his fans to donate generously. “Remember, at a million dollars, they’ll start tweeting again,” he reminded us. “You know what? Just stop at $999,999. That’s the best of both worlds.”