Hearts were imploding and mouths were exploding on last night’s super-charged “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” season finale—and no, we’re not referring to Kelsey and Camille’s glass menagerie of a marriage. That actually ended up being fluffy filler.
Sure, it was somewhat captivating drama watching Camille trying to weasel her way back into Kelsey’s heart by prancing around in a pretty red dress whilst sprinkling passive aggressive declarations of love. And who could forget the wince-worthy scene where her paid she-slave D.D. pretended to lend an empathetic ear, straining with all her might to get a few crocodile tears to trickle down her face? Priceless.
That said, when Taylor told us last week that the episode would be “dramatic,” “emotional, and “almost heartbreaking,” we never suspected the hottest mess of the season would end up being the Tale of Two Sisters, Kyle and Kim. Although Kim’s prickly relationship with Taylor—and the fact that she didn’t stand up for Kyle in New York amid the Camille debacle—brought on the embarrassing group fight at Taylor’s rooftop birthday party, we quickly realized there was much more complicated, uncommunicative, resentment-filled, psycho-emotional bull honky fueling the hearts of Kyle and Kim, all we could end up thinking was “DAMN!”
At first you don’t know which sister to give two snaps to. On the one hand, Kim talked about having sacrificed her childhood (i.e. being a child star) in order to serve as their family’s bank account. “I bought Kyle her first car and house,” she declared, trying to show that she took care of her sister back in the day.
On the other hand, Kyle had been complaining all season how difficult it’s been to honor their mom’s dying wish for her to take care of her older sis, which we assumed was due to Kim’s fragile, co-dependent, prone-to-melancholy personality—and for that, we felt for the Demi Moore look-alike.
But then the kicker came out and gave us that ‘Ah-ha!’ and ‘Say whaaat?!’ moment we weren’t expecting: Kyle, in the midst of almost TKO-ing her sister’s face in the limo, screamed out their sisterly secret—Kim was an alcoholic!
The action went down like this: Kim, who Kyle noted was acting sauced earlier in the evening, bailed on the party after feeling ganged up on by the group. But instead of leaving, she rode around the block in a limo, being comforted by a mostly mute Martin (really?) and Adrienne. Kyle, disturbed by her sister’s “antics,” hopped in to get to the bottom of the drama. Watch the first part of their fight below, then read on for the rest:
Kim: Gosh, Kyle. Look at you, f–king phony.
Kyle: I’m the farthest from that, okay? You need to get help. What are you doing? With this [makes eye motion surveying the car full of counselors] whole thing in here like this? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And Mom had to die worrying about you, and stressing about you, and leave this s–t on my shoulders. After everything I’ve done for you.
Kim: [Incredulous] Everything you’ve done for me?
Kyle: Yeah! Everything I’ve done for YOU.
Kim: [Shouting] You stole my goddamn house!
Kyle: [Screaming] Did you hear what you just said, Kim? Are you out of your f–king mind? You are so sick. My husband has helped you every month, and stood by you and has taken care of you like you’re his second f–king wife, so f–k you for talking like that!
Kim: You’re a liar!
Kyle: You better take that back. You better f–king take that back [lunges toward Kim]. You are a liar, and sick, and an alcoholic!
Kim: Oh my God.
Kyle: Yes. That’s right. That’s right. I’ve said it and now everybody knows, so get the help you need.
Kim: [Slurring] Well guess who drinks all goddamn day?
Adrienne: [Holding Kyle back] Stop it!
Kyle: You are so demented. [Getting out of limo to see Mauricio] You would not believe what she has just done and said. [To Kim] Kim – I want you to know something. Everything we’ve ever helped you with is over. You’re on your own now. We’re done.
The episode culminates with Kyle crying, declaring she wished the night never happened. The status update for Kyle reads: “Kyle and Kim went weeks without talking…Their kids are now trying to broker a truce between them.” As for Kim, we learn: “Kim’s family checked her into rehab…A week later, she checked herself out. She is taking her life one day at a time.”
And the life lesson—from Kyle and Kim, to Kelsey and Camille, to even Taylor and Russell? Communication, ladies and germs.
What did you think of the Kyle and Kim’s unsisterly smackdown? Are you surprised they were able to keep a lid on Kim’s secret for so long?