‘Jersey Shore’: Ron Keeps Bleeding in Love

Jersey Shore (MTV)

Jersey Shore (MTV)

On last night’s “Jersey Shore,” the gang was back in happy business all but for a second! Despite the smooshing good times that some of the guidos and guidettes experienced, it was our favorite craptacular couple—Sam and Ron—who decided to bring down the house by hating on each other once again!

Perhaps Ron’s bootie bleeding was an omen of things to come…

Preparation H
After a wild night of boozing, Ron pukes—from both ends—and unfortunately, his lower end starts to bleed! He and Sam flock to the doctor who proceeds to touch Ron’s sacred garbage disposal. Diagnosis: Ron needs to chillax on the Pabst Blue Ribbons. But what was Ron thinking the whole time? “It was uncomfortable; he kept fingering my butt,” confides Ron to a laughing Sammi.

Who’s Got the Golden Ticket?
Ron invites his homeboys to party with him at the club, and Deena starts flirting with one of them, a dude named Dario. After some tongue time, she invites him back to the house but vows that she doesn’t smoosh the first night.

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“It’s not Halloween,” she adamantly declares. “I don’t give out candy for free..you need a golden ticket to get into my drawers.” She then proceeds to give up her entire Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory.

Meanwhile, Snooki hooks up with a guido named Jeff, and they make out by pulling at each other’s lips like string cheese. Once she finds out he was kinda engaged in his past, her libido goes A.D.D. on him, and she dumps him like it’s hot.

PMS (Pre-MAN-strual Syndrome)
Ron’s subconscious hatred for Sam is rearing its juicy head! Angry that the boys are cooking and cleaning, while the girls are trying on stripper outfits at the local sex shop—Ron targets his venom on Sam. Dinner time = awkward.

Later on, he goes into a sulking mode and dives into his Man Cave. Sammi presses him on why he’s so angry at her. He ignores her and sleeps all day.

After having their thousandth scream-fest, the two decide they’ve had enough of each other and mutually agree they don’t want to exclusively pump the pasties. Sam resolutely states that she’ll move out of the room but quietly wonders what actually turned him into a sour puss: Was it because she laughed at his bleeding badonka donk?

Either way, next eppy, Sammi will poke him in a place that really hurts! Until next time, guido lovaahs!

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.


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