You know that saying ‘Two is better than one’? That’s not always the case in the world of reality TV. Since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, we’ve made a list of the reality couples we think are the hottest matches and those who are just seriously star-crossed.
Kyle Richards & Mauricio Umansky – “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”
Why we like her: Kyle is the gal next door you want to be friends with—she’s beautiful, sassy, a bowlful of laughs, and she’s got seriously great hair.
Why we like him: Can we say ‘Hot Factor is off the charts?’ Mauricio is not only tall, dark, and sexy, he’s also faithful and sensitive. Ay dios mio!
Why we like them: Gorgeous rich couples can bring on a superficial vibe, but these two bring on mucho envy with their deep friendship, joy, passion, and love for each other and their family. (It’s actually kinda sickening, really.)
Bethenny Frankel & Jason Hoppy – “Bethenny Ever After”
Why we like her: It’s always ‘Balls to the Wall!’ with B! The Skinny Girl is a true original with her biting wit and dry sense of humor.
Why we like him: With every hyperactive, stress-filled woman, there should be a calm and collected man by her side—and that’s what the Mr. Hoppy brings to the table. He’s also got a yummy bod.
Why we like them: Opposites attract—and can bring crazy adventures along with them! Now that Beth and Jason have added a little tyke to their family, we’re looking forward to seeing how the newlyweds juggle married life and deal with being “clueless” parents in their next reality installment.
Kris & Bruce Jenner – “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”
Why we like her: The matriarch and manager of the Kardashian clan, Kris makes family life look like child’s play and is as youthful in spirit as—if not more than—her own daughters.
Why we like him: Despite sportin’ a Ronald McDonald Land hairdo, like, forevahh(!), Bruce is just a good-natured, cool daddy-o. He brings stability to his whimsical wife, reins in his two teenage daughters when they start acting (and dressing) like their older half-siblings, and manages to have a great relationship with his ever-famous Armenian step kids.
Why we like them: Even though their faces look like they belong in a wax museum, Kris and Bruce’s longtime love is as real and natural as it gets. Tack on that they’re a Hollywood couple raising Hollywood kids—with nobody ending up on “E! True Hollywood Story” thus far—these guys deserve a freakin’ medal.
Lisa & Jiggy Vanderpump – “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”
Why we like her: A lovely Brit with a big heart, Lisa brings on class and glamor (and the color fuchsia) with beautiful ease.
Why we like him: Sir Jiggy is like a sexy furry purse: He just coolly sits around, waiting to be fondled and admired. Plus, he’s got his manicured paw on the pulse of fashion.
Why we like them: This Beverly Hills twosome are madly in love and inseparable! Being the mod couple that they are, they wine and dine and travel the world and show that the woman can (literally) carry the man.
Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick – “Kourtney & Kim Take New York”
Why we’re not that into her: We don’t want to begrudge Kourt for being slow of speech—it’s a Cali cool thing, we get it—but what we totally don’t get is her choice of baby daddies.
Why we’re not that into him: Aside from being the living embodiment of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, Scott is just bad news. He comes across as a spoiled, naive, arrogant, rich young buck who doesn’t know a thing about being a real man.
Why we’re really not into them: Whatever chemistry they have between them, it’s invisible to us. Just like Kim and Khloe, we want to upchuck when the unsavory couple go on a PDA rampage and roll our eyes when Scott acts like a destructive ape for the thousandth time.
Ron Ortiz-Magro & Sammi Giancola – “Jersey Shore”
Why we’re not that into her: Co-dependency is the name of the game with Sammi Sweetheart! This prideful, overly obsessive, and possessive guidette puts her man (and self-denial) before her girlfriends.
Why we’re not that into him: With a bravado as big as his biceps and his creepin’ as shady as his dancing, Don Ron is just an indecisive fool in love. He tries to come across like he knows what he’s talking about, but he’s just as confused and almost as co-dependent as Sam.
Why we’re really not into them: They’re a headache and a bore. Instead of good-time fist pumps, they bicker and pick at each other and create unnecessary tension within the group. How can anyone be ‘DTF’ in the house with their craziness?
“The Sister Wives” Brood
Why we’re not that into the Sister Wives: They make the Duggar Family seem normal. As much as Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn try to convince America that they’re strong, independent normal women who just happen to be married to the same man, we have a message for them: Hear ye, hear ye—the 21st century beckons with great opportunity! Not all sharing is good, and we’re sure we can find you drugs or a good therapist who can cure your self-esteem issues…
Why we’re not that into him: As likable as ‘The Dude’ is with his windblown, uncombed hair, Kody Brown seems just a little too selfish and chauvinistic in the wifey arena, among many other offensive things. Behind that jovial smile lurks something kookier than he’s letting off—we just know it!
Why we’re really not into the lot of them: The whole harem thing with the pool of recessive gene’d kids is a bit too culty for us, and oh, there is that one other little problem about their lifestyle that doesn’t sit right with us: Ever hear of the word ‘ILLEGAL’?