‘Jersey Shore’: Ron’s Heart Is Clogged – And So Are the Toilets

Jersey Shore (MTV)

Jersey Shore (MTV)

On last night’s “Jersey Shore,” the house attempted to help a forlorn Ron move on without Sam. From the guys taking him to get his hair cut to the girls moving Sam’s stuff (including her dirty drawers) out of his room, nothing seemed to help mend his broken biceps.

Meanwhile, an appropriate metaphor to Ron’s emotional state presented itself in the house: The toilets need de-clogging.

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Devastated that Sam fled Seaside Manor and left him with no one to bully, Ron sniffles with what looks like a tub of Vaseline slathered around his eyes. “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror at this point,” he tells the camera. Neither can we, Roidy.

Bored out of their minds because Ron’s put the house in a bad mood, Snooki and Deena decide to smash cake onto Vinny’s freshly waxed mile-long eyebrows and thus, start a Prank War! After Vinny and Pauly D’s dog-poop-under-the-pillow gag fails, Vinny takes Snooki’s fave stuffed animal, Crocodilly, and hangs it over the ledge of the balcony.

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Panicked as all get out, Snooki searches for her green man around the house. Always loving the opportunity to tattle-tale, The Sitch facilitates and leads her to the noose’d guy.

“His name ain’t Sitch anymore, it’s Snitch-u-ation,” says Vinny.

The next day it seems everyone’s bowels are yearning to plop it out, but oh no! The toilets are all clogged! Deena tells the gang that she’s constipated, and they all tease her with bootie-bending dance moves. Tired of being picked on, she sulks on the couch (dreaming of laxatives) and later cries out that she can’t take the abuse anymore! Ron distracts her by forcing her to help him cook dinosaur-size burgers on the grill! Me, Guido. Me need protein!

As the night comes to an end, Deena tries to comfort Ron about Sam, but he’s inconsolable. The two stubbies sit on the bench with a mountain of ciggies piled up before them, and Ron says there’s no point in him staying at the house without his woman there to abuse. He pops a Xenadrine in his mouth, has a heart palpitation, and calls it a night.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.


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