‘Gleecap’: Gwyneth and Mr. Schue Make It ‘Sexy’

Matthew Morrison and Gwyneth Paltrow on 'Glee' (Photo: Fox)

Matthew Morrison and Gwyneth Paltrow on 'Glee' (Photo: Fox)

This week’s “Glee” was all about Gwyneth… again!

Considering the heaps of non-praise I bestowed upon her last guest outing as Holly Holiday, you may be surprised to hear that I’m not mad at Ryan Murphy for bringing her back. I’m a little miffed that he had her dominate the song list for the week. But the role of WMHS’s sex-ed teacher clearly needed to be filled by someone, and she appeared to have a lot of fun with it.

What else is back (besides jazzercize)? Celibacy Club! And it’s not just for students but also married guidance counselors whose already wide eyes turn the size of Frisbees at the idea of getting physical with their smokin’-hot hubbies.

So a big theme of this episode was that both having sex and not having sex are pretty complicated. Let’s start with the having-its. Namely Brittany. She’s currently lovin’ on Artie, so she thought she might be preggo. But that was just a mix-up with a stork nesting outside her window. Anyway, Brit used to be cuddling up to Santana, and she was sort of confused about what that might mean.

Santana initially denied that there were any important feelings. She and Brit paid a visit to Holly Holiday’s “sacred sexy sharing circle,” where they were encouraged, in true Glee fashion, to sing a song about their feelings. What followed was a surprisingly moving rendition of “Landslide” that prompted Santana to reveal that she loves Brittany, and that she’s “such a bitch” because she has anger issues about being a potential lesbian. And all that emoting totally backfired on her because Brit loves Artie, too, and isn’t about to leave him just ‘cause S is aware of her feelings all of a sudden.

The rest of the group, whether they like it or not, are firmly on the not-having-it side of the fence. Puck and Lauren were planning to make a racy video, but Holly reminded them that it would be a video of minors, meaning, like, jail and stuff.

Schue and Holly shared a kiss that could have led to more, but Holly put a stop to it because she considers herself damaged goods compared to who Schue’s been with before. She eventually realized that she’s at a point in her life where maybe taking a chance on romance is a good thing. So we’ll see where that goes.

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Kurt’s not only not having sex, he’s not talking about it either. Through a mishap involving some shoulder shimmies and a Neon Trees song, Blaine realized that Kurt had no concept of what sexy was or could be. Kurt wouldn’t hear anything from Blaine, so Blaine actually went to Kurt’s dad for help. He convinced Burt to talk with his son about the birds and the bees (or the birds and the birds, in Kurt’s case?). Burt did an excellent job of getting through the convo with minimal alienation and maximum “awww” moments.

And as I mentioned, Emma and Dr. Carl haven’t done the deed yet either. Holly asked point-blank if Emma was still in love with Schue, and she couldn’t answer. Unfortunately, this was in front of Dr. Carl, who will be staying at a motel while Emma considers her course of action.

What did you think? Did you welcome the return of Holly Holiday and her zingers?

More of what was hot:

Best musical number – I’m going to give it to “Landslide.” The arrangement in the style of the Dixie Chicks wasn’t super original, but the emotions behind it made up for that.

Best Sue-ism – “My sweet, sweet Porcelain…” Nice throwback to earlier this season.

Best Brittany line – On why breakfast is confusing: “Well sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it’s salty. Like, what if I have eggs for dinner – what is it?”

Most appetizing set design – The slideshow of desserts that played behind the “Afternoon Delight” crowd was a hilarious touch. Because the song is about dessert.

What needed a cold shower:

Worst musical number – “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)” made you uncomfortable, right? That was one conga line I certainly didn’t want to join.

Lowest blow – Holly to Emma: “My lips are sealed… just like your legs.” Okay, it made me laugh, but still. Ouch.

Impending groan – “Glee” has established that making hits out of covers really works for them, so why are they subjecting us to original music next week?

Watch Full Episodes:

Gwyneth Paltrow Sexes Up “Glee”

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The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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