Donald Trump was the official target of nine roasters Wednesday night in New York, but none of the nine were spared either as they all were splattered with comedic insults.
The event was the “Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump,” taped in New York’s Hammerstein Ballroom and scheduled to air on Comedy Central next Tuesday (March 15), starting at 10:30 p.m./9:30c.
Who got off the best lines? The funniest of the roasters were the veterans Seth MacFarlane (host and “roastmaster” for the evening), Jeff Ross and “Queen of Mean” Lisa Lampanelli. Younger comics Whitney Cummings and Anthony Jeselnik did well too. The biggest surprise was Marlee Matlin, who’s currently one of the contestants on Trump’s NBC series “The Celebrity Apprentice.” She was raunchy and hilarious, delivering her entire bit in ribald sign language while a male interpreter voiced it for the audience.
Rapper Snoop Dogg did OK, followed by, in descending order of quality, Larry King and most notably, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from “Jersey Shore,” who bombed, to put it bluntly.
In his first-ever attempt at standup comedy, “The Sitch” fell so flat that Ross felt compelled to jump up and join The Situation at the podium to help him finish. “I saw an opportunity to get a laugh,” Ross told us afterward. Plus, Ross remembered that Milton Berle did the same thing for him when he wasn’t doing so well in his own first roast appearance many years ago.
Watch The Situation Bomb:
As for The Situation himself, he didn’t come across as the least bit embarrassed when we caught up with him after the show. He said he was glad to fly “across the country just for Mr. Trump.” He was proud of his performance too, even if the laughs were few and far between. “I stood in the pocket and stood my ground,” The Situation said.
Of course, like everyone on the dais, The Situation came in for his share of insults. “For some reason, Donald, The Situation is here,” Ross said during his own routine. “I’m looking forward to The Cancellation!”
Jeselnik also did a play on Sorrentino’s famous nickname. “Mike Sorrentino,” Jeselnik said, “sometimes known as The Situation, never known as The Education!”
MacFarlane set the tone when he opened the show, which happened to be the first Comedy Central roast taped in New York since 2005. “Let’s get started making one more piece of garbage with Donald Trump’s name on it!” he said. Of course, one of the rules of these roasts is that no joke is out of bounds or too tasteless. In this roast, that included jokes about Larry King’s age, Matlin’s deafness and Snoop Dogg’s gangster past.
Watch Snoop Dog Get In A Presidential Dig:
Among the evening’s best lines (of the ones that aren’t too dirty to publish here!):
To Russell Simmons (who was sitting in audience): “Are you here to sign Marlee Matlin to ‘Def Comedy Jam’?”
To Larry King: “ ‘Larry King Live’ – even the title was an oxymoron!” “Great job tonight – your delivery was so bedpan!”
To Donald Trump: “Actually, Donald, Comedy Central wanted to roast someone more likable, but Bernie Madoff was busy!”
To Larry King: “Larry King has done 40,000 interviews and he’s asked every one of them the same question: Will you marry me?”
To Jeff Ross: “Can you believe that he actually asked me out? I said, ‘Jeff, I’m deaf, not blind!’ ”
To Snoop: “You speak worse English than Marlee Matlin!”
To Trump: “You look like Justin Bieber caught on fire!”
To Matlin: “Marlee, I’m glad you’re here – what is this, a telethon?!”
To Trump: “You’ve ruined more models’ lives than bulimia!” “You’ve disappointed more women than ‘Sex and the City 2’!”
The Donald, who was the last to stand and deliver:
To all: “What a great honor it must be for you to honor me here tonight!”
“The Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump” premieres Tuesday, March 15, at 10:30 p.m./9:30c on Comedy Central.