‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: Pauly Vows Death If Ron & Sam Go On

Pauly D on Jersey Shore (MTV)

Pauly D on Jersey Shore (MTV)

Jersey Shore” ignited with lies and jealousy last night! The Sitch put up a for real stink when he was left with JWoww’s dogs (again), JWoww flipped out on her boy toy Roger when she believed he was hooking up with another guidette, and Sam and Ron…well, those freaks find anything to fight about.

Check out how the crazies got crazier here:

Sitch feels abandoned when everyone leaves him home alone to get their GTL on, so what does he do? He unleashes JWoww’s dogs and feeds them fluff and peanut butter so they can have a diarrhea party all over the house. That’s Sitch’s way of having a tantrum.

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Driving around town, JWoww and the gang happen to see her beloved gorilla juice head Roger driving ahead of her. They beep, but he seems to do what they call “the dip,” basically zooming off like a bat outta hell! Ron teases and says he must have a girl in the car. On hearing this, JWoww’s implants swell up with jealous rage! When she gets back to the house, she leaves him a voicemail and says she’s “done.” Later, Roger angrily calls her back and says he had five minutes to get to the barber shop and was in a rush! The embarrassed guidette apologizes profusely, and he hangs up frustrated but still willing to offer his silverback to her.

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After one week, Sam’s ounce of intelligence breaks down again, and she and Ron try to give their relationship another go. But wait! Craptastrophe is about to go down, baby!

The gang goes to Karma for the umpteenth time, and Mike’s bud, Arvin, shows up all smiles. He tells Mikey that Sam had text’d him several times last week and told him to meet her there! Whaaaa?!!! Sitch’s shiny face beams with delight, and two seconds later, the entire house—sans Sam and Ron—know about the texts!

Once the star-crossed lovers find out what everyone’s whispering about, Sam scrunches up her face and juts out her neck (like she usually does when she gets emphatic) and says she can prove that Arvin is “just a friend.” Feeling his package shrink right before his eyes, Ron flips out and decides to hate on Sam! When everyone gets back home, Pauly D sums up how all the dudes are feeling. “GTI: Gym, Tan, I’m-not-buying-it!” he exclaims, as he eagerly awaits the soap opera to start.

“I think Mike’s the shadiest person in this f-cking house!” Sam yells. Ron throws an f-bomb at her and says she’s the one who’s “shady”! Fed up that nobody believes her lies, Sam stomps away as Ron taunts her for calling Arvin just a day after she fled back to Hazelton. “Go back home!” Ronnie yells an inch away from her face. Stressed from the double whammy of Text-Gate and breathing in Ron’s halitosis, Sam resorts to the ugly cry.

“If this relationship continues, I will kill myself,” says Pauly. True dat, Mr. DJ.

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