This Thursday (10/9c) on MTV your favorite GTL-ers who are always DTF are closing up shop on the third installment of “Jersey Shore.” So, considering all that went down this season, how’d you like the Sam and Ron Show?
If only Snooks, Vin, Pauly, Sitch, and JWoww had been smart enough to lock the star-crossed lovers in the basement, shove a baby bottle full of roid shake in Ron’s mouth and one full of Patron in Sam’s, while forcing the two to watch back-to-back episodes of “Cinemax After Dark”—could there have been a smidge of hope that they would have gotten more air time.
Well, for what it’s worth, let’s give a shout out to wishful thinking.
Check out the 10 scenarios we would’ve liked to have seen play out had it not been for Succubus Sam and Rabid Ron’s overpowering hormonal debacle:
– Sammi and JWoww’s thug-style, weave-pulling guidette brawls. (Why’d these cats have to make up?)
– A wasted Sitch in awkward hot tub scenes filled with giggling landmines and grenades.
– Vinny delving into the follicular complexity of having inherited an Italian mega fro and eyebrows. Need threading tips? Vin’s your man, homies.
– Deena and Sitch smushing it up in a drunken stupor and the latter regretting it for the rest of his life!
– Sitch’s continual defiance of “boy code” by stealing Pauly’s girls and potentially ruining the MVP triumvirate! Whaaat?!
– Snooki and Vinny’s strange (and kinda seemingly incestuous) developing love story.
– Deena’s homage to the 80s via her jacked up super-sized denim look and crispy-curly gelled hair.
– Snooki trying to find love by going through a village of Gorilla Juice Head Hobbits.
– Pauly’s Fatal Attraction adventures with his stalker Danielle and total guido meltdowns at seeing really big old ladies at da club.
– A trashed Don Ron making out with multiple hippo grenades while doing his crotch-thrusting Bell Biv Divoe moves.
Well, there you have our list, peeps! If this season kinda disappointed you, no worries—you’ll be hearing Pauly shoutin’ “Gondolas are here!” for Season 4 in no time. Viva Italia!
Watch “Jersey Shore” Hook-Up:
The Season 3 finale of “Jersey Shore” airs Thursday on MTV at 10/9c.