‘One Life To Live’: Kourtney Kardashian Takes Llanview

Kourtney Kardashian on One Life to Life (ABC)

Kourtney Kardashian on One Life to Life (ABC)

Kourtney Takes Llanview

Are you excited about Kourtney Kardashian’s appearance on Monday’s “One Life To Live?” Me, neither. I am one of those people who just doesn’t get the appeal of the Kardashians, possibly because I am jealous that I am not getting paid millions of dollars to have cameras follow me around a few pre-scheduled hours a day to ostensibly document my every day life, while I am actually playing a version of myself in heavily produced scenarios that are every bit as written as any scripted show.

But I understand why the underpublicized soap leaped at the chance to be a part of the Kardashian phenomenon. Millions of people watch the family’s foibles every week like they are, well, a soap opera. This weekend an episode of “Kourtney & Kim Take New York” chronicling her appearance on the show will air, perhaps inspiring some of her legions of fans to tune in to see how it turned out on Monday. In the same episode, Wendy Williams will also make a return appearance at the host of Access Llanview, making for one reality star filled day in Llanview.

Watch Kourtney Get An Acting Tutorial:

[iframe http://xfinitytv.comcast.net/tv/Kourtney-and-Kim-Take-New-York/141175/1855583834/Kourtney-and-Kim%3A-Acting-Tutorial/embed 580 476]

I laughed hard at this clip of Kourtney whining about how tough how hard “One Life To Live” is making her work, by expecting her to memorize lines, attempt to play a character, and *gasp* kiss Christian (David Fumero). Apparently, after procreating with her creepy boyfriend Scott Disick she now has an aversion to men who are good looking and nice. Or so the producers of “Kourtney & Kim” want us to believe. I suspect that after starring in three reality shows and giving her sister an on-screen bikini wax, there is not much Khloe would be embarrassed to do on camera. It also inadvertently points out that soap stars, unlike reality stars, are skilled professionals who memorize reams of dialogue, play a character, hit their marks, and, yes, kiss people they may not find the least bit attractive, every single day. It takes a lot more skill than ad-libbing your way through a constructed scenario with your friends and family.

M.I.A. From GH’s Transplant Storyline

It took fewer episodes of “General Hospital” for Jake to get hit by a car, have surgery, be declared brain dead, Jocelyn to get diagnosed with kidney cancer, and Jocelyn to be cured when Lucky (Jonathan Jackson) and Liz (Becky Herbst) donated one of Jake’s kidneys to her than it did for Brenda (Vanessa Marcil Giovinazzo) and Sonny (Maurice Benard) to get married. This isn’t just fast paced, it’s rushed, as if the show wants to dispense with Lucky and Liz’s reaction to the loss of their child so it can focus on the only characters who really matter: Jason and Carly. Thus, a month of story was condensed into four episodes. I feel bad for Jason, really I do, and Steve Burton is reminding me that, when given emotional material, he’s a great actor. But I care more about the parents who actually raised and loved Jake, one of whom spent Thursday’s episode off  screen in church, the other whom did not appear until halfway through the episode.

This story cannot escape comparisons to the vastly superior storyline from the Claire Labine years in which B.J.’s heart was donated to a young Maxie. This begs the question: why hasn’t Maxie (Kristen Storms) been a part of this storyline? Given her complicated history with Lucky, I would have loved to have seen her be the one to convince him that he should donate Jake’s organs. Obviously, Bobbie (Jackie Zeman), mother of B.J., mother of Carly, and Jake’s great aunt should have been all over this show, as should all of the Quartermaines now that they know Jake is biologically one of them. But I have given up all hope that the show will ever allow them to turn up for anything other than a wedding or holiday episode. Maxie is a popular character who is young enough to be deemed worthy of airtime who has been on the backburner for the past few months. Why not put in the middle of a storyline where she belongs?

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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