‘DWTS’ Week 5: The Patriot Act, John Travolta and an Indecent Proposal

Mark Ballas and Chelsea Kane 0n 'DWTS' (Photo: ABC)

Mark Ballas and Chelsea Kane 0n 'DWTS' (Photo: ABC)

Dancing with the Stars” went all out for Patriots’ Day on Monday with red, white and blue banners, a huge sparkly flag, enormous bald eagles (not live), and songs about the good ol’ U.S. of A.

We saw men in uniform, cowboy costumes, denim and leather, lots of stars and stripes – and even a movie star with a surprise appearance by John Travolta! It’s all in a week dedicated to American décor and songs – a la “Sweet Home Alabama” and the like – featured in dances that ran the gamut from Rumbas and Sambas to Viennese Waltzes and Fox Trots.

It’s American Week on “DWTS”:

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Who is the new top contender?
Who needs to bring more sex? (Not Maks, for sure!)
Whose head gets a bit wanky?
Who danced their best dances ever?

Here’s how it all went down:

Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff: Samba
The South met Brazil in their Samba to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s southern rock anthem, “Sweet Home Alabama.” Clad in a black cowboy hat, Ralph looked a bit sloppy out there in a dance that didn’t feel very Samba-ish. Was that line-dancing and dosey doe-ing in there? “Uncle Samba,” said co-host Tom Bergeron. “I’m not saying this is terrible because it wasn’t terrible, but you’re not consistent,” said Len Goodman, who added that it lacked certain qualities. Bruno Tonioli liked the line-dancing and two-step, but didn’t think he got his hips going enough or the Latin feel that this dance required. “Give the sex, man!” he added. Carrie Ann Inaba liked the “crazy concoction,” calling it his most “vivacious performance ever.”
Score: 22

Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke: Viennese Waltz
It was all about nailing the technique for their Viennese Waltz to “America the Beautiful,” but it looked like he was focusing too much on technique and forgetting the grace. Bruno disagreed and thought it was elegant, graceful, and “absolutely wonderful.” Carrie Ann feels as if he’s been understated and called him a real contender. Len – who has been awfully naughty in his comments this year -said, “It’s so nice to see Cheryl showing off the Rocky Mountains there.” She replied, “I feel violated.” Len added that he’ll “get an 8 when you deserve an 8.” And, alas, he gave him an 8.
Score: 26

Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin: Quick Step
Shocking revelation of the night: Petra didn’t know who Elvis Presley was growing up. What? Communism-schomunism. The pair danced to Presley’s “Viva Las Vegas” beautifully. And, yes, that was her fiancé she kissed at the end. “Tonight, I feel like you took a bit of a step back,” said Carrie Ann, who thought they were noticeably out of sync. Len said, “I think you coped very well with the speed of the music.” But he complained that her head gets too “wanky” to the left. Bruno said, “You were like the golden goddess of speed.”
Score: 22

Romeo and Chelsie Hightower: Fox Trot
Romeo brought 1960s Frank Sinatra-style swagger to the Fox Trot in a routine to the Chairman of the Board’s “New York, New York.” Len liked the flair but said he’s a “very charming chap and you always come out and do a good job.” Bruno said he brought the swagger and lots of flavor. “Well done!” he added. Carrie Ann said, “That was so cool and so sophisticated.”
Score: 26

Hines Ward and Kym Johnson: Rumba
Hey, Hines, it’s pronounced Rumba, not Ramba. After lots of head-butts, falls (more specifically he dropped her), and mishaps in rehearsal, the two got the romance going once they hit that dance floor to “I’m Proud to be an American.” Bruno said it was sensual and made the ladies swoon. Carrie Ann thought it looked easy for him. “You have the best hip action I’ve seen in a looonnnggg time,” she added. Len thought it was natural with an “ease and an elegance,” and called it his best dance.
Score: 27

“DWTS”: John Travolta L.O.V.E.S Maksim

Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Fox Trot
Third time’s the charm? After two mishaps in a row (Kirstie’s shoe last week and Maks’ thigh the week before), they finally made it through a routine without any oopsies. Kirstie brought in her good pal John Travolta who went all “Pulp Fiction” on the pair with a line of questioning similar to a famed scene from that movie. Hilarious. Dancing to “American Woman,” Maks wore the lowest black leather pants, no shirt and an oiled up torso – not to mention all the pelvis thrusts – that was so distracting from the dance. “It was bold, it was ambitious, it was a little borderline crazy,” said Carrie Ann, who called it their best dance ever. Len said, “It wasn’t my cup of tea.” (Boo!) Bruno said, “Oh the American woman and the Russian gigolo! I didn’t know you were so dirty.” Bruno then propositioned Maks for sex, to which the dancer replied, “I’m expensive.” Bruno responded, “I can afford it.”
Score: 23

Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel: Fox Trot
Wow, this Carrie Ann/elegance comment drama has gone too far. They revisited the situation again Monday night, showing more tears from Kendra who felt Carrie Ann doing her job was an attack on her. Enough. On with the show (and the 1000th dance of the series) … Their Fox Trot to “Yankee Doodle Dandy” complete with stars and stripes top costumes was cheerful at best. “Good news, it’s much better than last week,” said Len, who called it fun and entertaining. “Cute, sweet as apple pie,” said Bruno, who told her to stop thinking about the dance. Carrie Ann completely disagreed with him. “Sometimes these comments are hard to hear, but we are trying to help you,” she said. “I knew that,” conceded Kendra. (Finally!) “I always knew she meant well,” she told Brook Burke, mentioning again that she blames her “time of the month.” (Enough of that too!)
Score: 22

Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas: Samba
The two magically topped the leaderboard last week and they proved here that last week was not an accident. Dancing to Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the U.S.A.,” Chelsea is looking like a true contender with the perfect mix of technique, sass and personality – and sexiness. Kudos. My. New. Favorites. But was it a Samba? Let’s see what the judges say: Bruno loved it – “You’re really, really good dancers, my darling.” Carrie Ann said, “I think this was fantastic.” Len added, “This was a party … This was real good fun!” Quote of the night: “I love everyone and I hate you all at the same time,” said Chelsea in talking about her competition.
Score: 26

Week 5 Leaderboard Totals:

Hines and Kym: 27
Chris and Cheryl: 26
Romeo and Chelsie: 26
Chelsea and Mark: 26
Kirstie and Maks: 

Ralph and Karina: 22
Petra and Dmitry: 22
Kendra and Louis: 22

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The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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