This may be a controversial statement, but I’m just going to say it: more cats should be on the Atkins diet because it makes them adorably chubby. I salute you, Lord Tubbington, but you really shouldn’t have taken up smoking again.
In case you missed it on Tuesday night’s “Glee,” Lord Tubbington is the feline Andy Richter of Brittany S. Pierce’s new internet talk show, Fondue For Two. The show allows Brit to stir up rumors in addition to cheese. For starters, she outs Santana for playing for the other team.
But Brittany would never stoop so low intentionally, right? Right. She thinks she’s confirming that Santana is no longer a Cheerio but now sings for New Directions. Unfortch, no one else gets that clarification, and Santana has to fend off invitations to join the women’s golf team. Never mind the fact that the whole L-word rumor is true; Santana’s not ready to own it. Brittany even plans to invite Santana to the prom on FFT, but Santana bails at the last second. Not the kind of thing you do to someone after singing “Songbird” to her, but coming out is hard, so I’ll let it go and hope they can work through it.
Tangent: Santana held her own during that number. So she can pull off Stevie Nicks (“Landslide”) and Christine McVie! Well played, Naya Rivera.
Anyway, you may be wondering why Brit would ask Santana to the prom when she’s dating Artie. Well, they’re sort of on a break because Artie called Brittany stupid! He was frustrated that she couldn’t see that Santana was manipulating her. Afterward, he wallows in his sorrow and sings “Never Going Back Again” surrounded by a chorus of acoustic guitars. It’s pretty and melancholy.
By now, you may have noticed a pattern in the song selection of this episode. There’s no shortage of jokes to be made here about the average age of a Gleek vs. the age of Fleetwood Mac’s album Rumours. But April Rhodes is right; everyone’s got an LP of this album. If it’s not you, young “Glee” viewer, try your parents’ music stash, or even your grandparents’.
That’s right, April Rhodes (guest star Kristin Chenoweth) is back after her all-white production of The Wiz flopped on Broadway. When the Schue tells her about the in-fighting that’s wreaking havoc in the glee club, she quickly and accurately diagnoses them with “a touch of the Mac.” She urges Schue to help the kids channel their drama into great music, a la Fleetwood Mac during the writing of Rumours. They sing “Dreams” to the club to motivate them.
April doesn’t just want to motivate the kids, though. She lures Will into singing with her in preparation for CrossRhodes: The April Rhodes Story, a show she’s taking to NYC. She thinks Will isn’t living up to his potential; he could be a performer! This plants a seed in Schue’s brain. He reveals his ambivalence – and his Unfortunate Cry Face – to Emma, saying that he can’t leave her and the kids, but he wants to go. And that’s exactly what Sue wants. She and Honey Badger are the ones who convinced April to seek out Schue in the first place.
Sue Sylvester – who looks more fetching as Bowie than as Ann Coulter – also reboots the school paper as The Muckraker. Its motto? “If I heard it, it’s probably true, or something.” She steers her reporters to print stories that cause more tension in the glee club, and they totally eat it up.
The rumor no one can get right is about Sam. They’re not sure if he’s straight or gay, but he’s definitely/probably/obviously breaking up some happy couple. Whether it’s Blurt or Fudson (Help! What else could we call Finn/Quinn?), Sam is definitely a dirty cheater, and he’s operating out of a sleazy motel. At least that’s what Finn, Rachel, and Jewfro determine after staking out the joint.
It does look rather suspicious when Kurt and Sam exit a motel room together, and Sam enters playa territory when he later does the same with Quinn. Finn and Quinn sing “I Don’t Want to Know,” and it’s got this love-hate vibe to it that weirds everyone out. Finally Sam is forced to admit that he lives in that motel because his parents are out of work. Kurt has been donating clothes, and Quinn was helping babysit Sam’s siblings.
Sam is on the verge of quitting glee when Finn and Rachel show up to apologize for all the confusion – and to give Sam back the guitar he hocked. The club brings in Sam’s sibs for a super-sappy rendition of “Don’t Stop.”
More spreading the love:
Best musical number: “Go Your Own Way” or “Dreams.” How can I choose between such awesome songs? “Dreams” was understated and pitch-perfect, whereas “Go Your Own Way” was Glee-ified to the gills… but in a good way.
Best Sue-ism: Who knew April Rhodes’ full title was “Legendary Bratwurst Gobbler”?
Best Brittany line: I’m going with a simple cold, hard stare and snap during Rachel’s solo. Brit was in the zone.
Best mish-mash of self-inflicted couple names: Finchel, Huckleberry, Tina Cohen-Chang-Chang, Artittany, and Pizes
What should have been laid to rest:
Worst musical number: “Don’t Stop” was so over the top. I know it’s an optimistic song, but… they put Sam on their shoulders? Really?
Worst TV-themed joke: “It’s just like an episode of Hart to Hart.” I’ll give you Fleetwood Mac, but really, what Glee viewers are going to get that? (I admit to giggling, but it’s still a stretch.)
Worst set piece ever: Why did Artie have to roll through the cafeteria during his solo? What’s so poignant about tater tots?