There was discord up the wazoo on last night’s “Real Housewives of NYC” final Moroccan installment—from Jill and Ramona’s bonkerfest to Alex’s flip-out on LuAnn to LuAnn’s self-righteous bullying about 8 o’clock dinners! But by the end of the hour, like an episode gone Pinot-polar, there was canary-chirping harmony with champagne glasses clinking…(we won’t comment on the Egyptian eye make-up gone bad or the beautiful designer gowns draped on those pitifully unattractive souls).
While we’d like to focus on the happy (fake) ending, we couldn’t help but share with you last night’s winning catfight that showed the range of crazy we have to deal with every Thursday night:
To Henna With You!
While LuAnn, Cindy, and Kelly are peacefully enjoying getting their henna tattoos, Alex frantically gallops down the stairs on all fours to break up their good time. With great pent-up frustration, she stands coldly in front of them and asks to have a word with the hostess.
“What are you trying to create?” asks The Countess in annoyance. Before Alex can answer, Kelly attacks her for being “weird” and dramatic. (She then swallows a handful of jellybeans to prepare for her next psychotic move.)
Watch The Fireworks:
Because LuAnn feels superior with a henna servant at her side inking her man hands, she challenges the scrawny Brooklynite to say what’s on her mind like a queen on her throne. The latter attempts to stick up for Ramotional.
“Every time on this trip you have been reprimanding Ramona!” says the awkward blond who’s broken out in hives.
“I have been nothing but gracious to you and to Ramona!” bellows LuAnn with operatic fervor. “This conversation is over! Go back from the cabinet you came out of…witch!”
Stunned at such a classless comment, Alex offers her signature vampire look: complexion turns Casper white, eyes open wide, mouth agape, pointy over-sized teeth showing. But before she can sink her incisors into her mean-spirited hostess, Kelly’s sugar high kicks in and her mandibles go into overdrive.
“This isn’t a moment that’s authentic!” she screams to Alex. “This is a trip of a lifetime…create the calm that you say that you create!” Alex tries to speak but gets interrupted again by the Giant. “Shhhhhhh!” Kelly says creepily with her eyes swirling. The blond looks at her as if she’s having a Scary Island deja vu moment.
Enraged that her henna tattoo is ruined, Miss Million Teeth continues to go ballistic and blames Alex for spoiling the moment. She blurts out expletives and then disses the blond’s Afghan scarf! “My tattoo is ruined!…stupid! Who’s gonna fix this—Santa?” howls Kelly as she paces back and forth, pulling patches of her hair out.
As Alex looks at the wall dumbfounded and Cindy goes cross-eyed, Kelly returns a few seconds later with one of her multiple personalities ready to go: Dr. Phil on crack. “Shhh!!! Close your eyes!” she demands as Alex flips out with rage since no one will let her speak or express her feelings. “Open your eyes now! Close one eye! Start miming!” demands Kelly. “You’re not angry, you’re sad…you’re not angry, you’re sad!…Sometimes it’s better to observe than to participate,” the Tall One preaches, with her hair poufing out like Don King’s.
Did Alex deserve to be placed in such emotional constipation by The Countess and Kelly? Was The Countess being an R.A.-ish Bullly?