“Me and Jionni are gonna have guido babies. I can’t wait to pop those suckers out. They’re gonna be so f–king cute and tan,” declared a confident Snooki, whose boyfriend Jionni arrived in Italy on last night’s “Jersey Shore.”
But hold up. That was five seconds before she decided to prance around at the club and pull her dress up to reveal her discounted JC Penny silk panties for everyone to ogle at. Needless to say, her ever-conservative gorilla-juicehead homunculous (Latin for “little human”) was disgusted, and the next thing you know, all hell breaks loose in the Land of Stubby People!
Check out how fuses blew up real fast right here:
After smashing into a po-po’s car and being taken to the station, Kissing Meatballs Deena and Snooki are released, thanks to the boys signing off on papers they don’t know how to read (whether that be in English or Italian).
When Snooks gets back, she immediately calls Jionni, and he comforts her and says he can’t wait to see her in less than 24 hours! Yippie! However, he also has some bad news to tell her: JWoww’s Silverback (Roger) can’t make the trip because of work complications.
When Snooki tells her bubble-breasted friend, she rushes to the phone to call him. “I instantly want to throw up,” JWoww confesses to the camera. (Well, you look like you have been, girl.) After he regretfully tells her he can’t see her, waterfalls gush out of her eyeballs, and her false eyelashes take over her entire shrunken face.
Brittany’s Back, Biatches
While the girls (sans an exhausted Snooki) take the sad brunette out to cheer her up and the boys have their own night out practicing the art of flapping their arms like flying squirrels at the club, Snooki hears a ding dong! at the door, and she sees a Ding Dong indeed! It’s Brittany!
To get back at Sitchie for revealing their smush secret, Snooki tells horn-dog Brit to wait for Sitchie in his bedroom. The happy blond rushes over and dives nose-first into his preschool-sized bed and smells the faint gaseous aftermath of his rigatoni pre-club meal. Her face turns green, but somehow the drrty girl likes it.
When Sitch returns with a potential Aussie “hot dog bun” to complement his “hot dog,” he leads her to the bedroom only to be greeted by a big lump of yummy-time desperation hiding underneath the sheets. Tada! Brittany pops out! And despite seeing that he’s brought a chick home to smush, she tears off her top to let him know she’s a sure-thing. Sitchie sends the Aussie home, and the two mate like jack rabbits. Snooki’s prank = fail.
When Jionni arrives—all 4’5″ of him—Snooki cries with joy, and they immediately pump their sexual tensions out like baby donkeys in heat.
“That guy is very curious about me,” a paranoid Sitch says, referring to Jionni. “I think he knows.” Because Mr. Troublemaker thinks the lil guy might try to fight him for smushing his girlfriend, Sitch starts practicing his Kung-Fu-Panda-no-calves moves in the bathroom.
As the gang heads out to their second club of the night, Snooki dances on what looks like a gymnastic high beam and pulls her dress up to show off her black panties. Jionni gets turned off by her skankalicious moves and storms off like a Tasmanian Devil.
Middle School Breakdown
Snooki begins to cry incessantly and runs after him. JWoww tells her to stop, but the Munchkin flips out on her. “Nobody talk to me! Nobody f–king talk to meee!” she wails psychotically.
“You’re acting like a f–king a–hole!” JWoww screams. “Don’t get near me!” Snooki warns as she yodel-heaves and burps out vodka tonics. “I hate you! Where’s my boyfriend!? I don’t deserve this right now!”
After Jionni finally returns to the house, he zings right past his mascara-smeared girlfriend…make that, ex-girlfriend. “Get away from me,” he says as he locks himself in the bathroom. “I’m done with you. See ya, you’re single.”
While she sobs and acts like a 12-year-old, he packs up his things and hops into a cab.
“Jionni knows exactly who he’s dating,” says Vinny to the camera, “but to get mad at Nicole for acting crazy at a club—that’s weak.”
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