Suspicions abounded amid a sea of stretched-out poker faces on last night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” as: 1) Kim shadily slurred her way through the day with Adrienne, 2) Taylor suspected Lisa of talking to the press about her relationship with Russell, and 3) new gal Brandi felt the mean-girl mockery of the Housewives reverberating through her one unbroken 10-foot long leg.
But in the end, nobody was ready to be confrontational, except for Madame Vanderpump-You-Up, who practically went Oklahoma on Taylor’s non-existent arse about sporting the Ghandi look.
Check out the emotionally anorexic highlights below:
Being the owner of the Sacramento Kings and making the controversial decision to move them to another city for revenue’s sake, Adrienne is stressed to the max, fearing for the safety of herself, her hair-bling, and even Paul who’s begrudgingly accompanying her to the last game of the season before the big pull out.
To top it off, the Bickersons are going cross-eyed as they wait in their private plane for a drunk Kim to show up. Once the slurring blond finally gets there, she stumbles in wearing big shades to cover her glassy boozed-out eyes and resorts to theatrics. Within minutes of takeoff, she strenuously yaps away as if she’s fighting paralysis of the face, and as a joke, starts humping her seat. Paul glares at her as if he wants to squeeze out the vodka, Robitussin—or whatever the hell she’s high on—from her shady little pores.
Luckily, despite vehement protests from the Kings fans, nobody gets violently Maloof’d at the game, and Kim is sent back home with no memory of anything other than Adrienne and Paul occasionally popping Altoids in her mouth.
While Kyle is busy planning her big charity event, Taylor—all 10 lbs. of her—comes for a visit to tell her that tabloid reports have surfaced online about her crumbling marriage to Russell. Taylor wonders if squinty-eyed frenemy Lisa is the source!
Watch Lisa’s Reaction To Brandi:
As Kyle’s event is underway, featherlight Tay-Tay breezes through the doors, but hardly anyone notices her since they mistake her for a passing wind—except for the Brit! Lisa pulls her aside and tells Miss Puffer Lips she’s concerned for her since she looks like a bag-o-bones and has been acting Looney Tunes.
Knowing that the blue-blooded brunette thinks she’s a lower breed of human and suspicious that she was the snitch that revealed her and Russell’s relationship woes, Taylor stares at her with disdain, but of course, in the end, her gelatinous lips stay shut.
Gimping in on crutches – and one wedge heel – Brandi “Sour Puss” Glanville shows up to the party with Adrienne, and the ladies respond to her demurely—especially Lisa since she recognizes her as a friend of her former-almost-forever houseguest: the unconscionable, diminutive-armed Cedric!
Because the gals feel somewhat protective over Lisa, they feel justified in gossiping about Brandi, giggling about her being the former wife of actor Eddie Cibrian, who’s now shacking it up with a more famous emaciated blond, country crooner LeAnn Rimes.
Oh, but little do they know what kind of ballsy, inner-gangsta persona they’re dealing with!
“Friendly gals,” Brandi says sarcastically to the cameras while wearing a dominatrix push-up bra. “You get what you give in life, and if you give off b-tchiness, you’re getting it back. And I’m pretty good at being a b-tch,” she snickers.
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