In this installment of the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” Adrienne was forced by Bravo to have a midweek bring-your-family barbecue event because it was the safest environment to keep the ladies from breaking Brandi G.’s other leg and force-feeding it to Taylor.
The newly-divorced-and-highly-embittered LeAnn Rimes Hater continued to reveal her self-proclaimed “balls to the wall” persona, while the other ancillary newbie Dana took us into her boobs-and-tiara extravagant lifestyle (we’ll get to those ridonk Robo Cop sunglasses later).
Check out how the newbies sauced things up:
Thanks to Bravo’s cinematic artistry, the cameras zoom in on Brandi’s explosive big toe (for reasons unbeknownst to us) before moving up to her empathetic Puma face as she commiserates with Camille on both of their tabloid-selling divorces.
While Lisa is a no-show at the barbecue due to her gig as royal wedding correspondent for CNN, Kim happens to bail, too—most likely because her version of a good time is sniffing aerosol cans in her garage.
As the rest of the ladies lounge around Adrienne’s table and talk about their children, Brandi’s son Jakey suddenly jumps out of the pool, strips down, and starts weeing on the lawn. Brandi starts cracking up; Kyle is appalled.
Watch Kyle’s Reaction:
[iframe http://widget.bravotv.com/singleclip/singleclip_v1.swf?CXNID=1000004.10035NXC&WID=4657041ec2a2cf53&clipID=1359648″ 580 476]
In need of some masculine energy to break up the tension, Dana and her gritty man-voice saunter into the backyard and make the announcement that she paid $25K for a pair of gold python diamond-studded sunglasses. “Hey, $25K!” she says repeatedly, pointing at her shades.
“Most people that have a lot of money don’t really brag too much about it,” says Camille to the camera, “and that’s the honest truth.”
Off in the distance, Taylor’s face begins to shrink, which reminds Kyle to tell her bony friend to eat. While the brunette sounds the alarm, Brandi nonchalantly says that it’s no biggie since Taylor’s just on the “divorce diet.” Kyle corrects her, saying that Miss Featherlight hasn’t said anything about divorce, but Brandi asserts she’s heading in that direction. Kyle responds with an impressive set of eye rolls.
As the girls continue yapping, the subject eventually moves to Camille getting her groove back in the boy-toy department, which is basically the blondie’s cue to insult Kelsey-cakes. “Big hands, big feet, big disappointment…I was married to that,” laughs Camille.
“Is that a code word for something else?” asks Kyle naively. “C–k,” blurts out Brandi. (The brunette squirms and adds another point to her Reasons-I-Hate-the-New-Gimp score card.) However, Brandi’s lewd remark sets off a firestorm of inquiries on what the best euphemism is to use for a man’s baby maker. The ladies come up with: “wiener,” “mammer-jammer,” “annoying” (yes, of course, that was Adrienne’s label), and “Sherman.”
Watch Brandi’s NSFW Comment:
[iframe http://widget.bravotv.com/singleclip/singleclip_v1.swf?CXNID=1000004.10035NXC&WID=4657041ec2a2cf53&clipID=1359225″ 580 476]
After the ladies wince at the sight of Paul taking off his shirt and showing off his Buddha belly poolside, Dana mentions how she wishes her investment banker fiancé was around to meet the other gals’ men. As a joke, Brandi tosses out that he’s probably humping his way across the country, but Dana isn’t amused and gets defensive.
“Shame on you,” says Dana.
“I’m pretty obnoxious,” Brandi affirms. “Take it or it leave it.”
Kyle looks away and begins to hum a LeAnn Rimes tune to herself. Later, she says to the camera “I just find her to be tacky…I don’t like the words that she uses and I’m not good at hiding it.”
If you’re enjoying my “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” coverage and would like to follow my other musings, please feel free to like my new Facebook page!