Jimmy Kimmel said it best in his monologue Monday night on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC.
“It is my duty as an American talk-show host to report that after 72 days of wedded bliss, Kim Kardashian and her NBA-playing husband Kris Humphries are splitting up,” Kimmel said, seeming to turn serious, though he happened to be dressed in an elaborate Donkey Kong costume for Halloween.
But of course, there was a punchline: “She has decided not to pick his option up for another season!” said Jimmy, ushering in a string of jokes at Kim’s and Kris’ expense.
The same was true across the board Monday night as TV’s late-night comics all reacted to the split.
“Ryan Seacrest tweeted the news this morning,” Jimmy continued, “to give you an idea of how serious this is!”
“It’s a shame,” he declared. “You know, I thought they’d be together for 5-10 [more] Us magazine covers!”
Meanwhile, the news of Kim and Kris’ split almost robbed David Letterman of his “will to live.” He joked about their pending divorce on his “Late Show” on CBS. “I heard Kim Kardashian’s getting a divorce,” Dave said in his monologue. “Apparently people say the trouble started at the altar. They were bickering at the altar and now they’re fighting over custody of the cake!”
“They’re planning a lavish divorce,” Dave continued, “at the Laguna Miguel Ritz Carlton. Three thousand guests will be there for their divorce, and her soon to be ex-husband [is] an NBA basketball player. Kim says that it’s not really a divorce, it’s just part of a five-player trade! Partly through that joke, I lost the will to live!”
Not to be outdone, Jay Leno made the Kardashian split a big part of his monologue on “The Tonight Show” on NBC. “Who could have seen this coming?” Jay asked sarcastically. “After just 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have filed for divorce. . . . To their credit, they did try 20 minutes of counseling!”
“Kim is handling it well,” Jay reported. “She says she plans to put him behind her, which, ironically, is what got them together!”
Of course, Jimmy Fallon didn’t miss this opportunity either. “Tonight’s show will last about an hour,” he said at the top of his monologue on NBC’s “Late Night,” “like Kim Kardashian’s marriage!”
“Kim Kardashian is ending her marriage,” Jimmy continued. “Details of the proceedings will remain private . . . until E! airs its three-hour divorce special this Sunday at 9 p.m.!”