Gleecap: ‘Mash Off’ Results in Finn-Santana Face-Off

Naya Rivera as Santana on Glee (FOX)

Naya Rivera as Santana on Glee (FOX)

Finn’s not the only one who got slapped in the face this week on “Glee,” although he was the only one who deserved it.

We’ll get to that episode-ending smack momentarily, but first I must ask what unassuming, respectable Hall & Oates fans, like myself, did to merit such a lame mash-up number from the New Directions? And the answer is not “Be Hall & Oates fans,” because Daryl Hall and John Oates are cool. Just ask your mom. Or Bird and the Bee.

The songs fit together well, but the tempo was manic, the singing was half-hearted while the facial expressions were extra muggy, and the outfits were just sad. Resurrecting Oates’s creepy-uncle look was not necessary.

Watch Tuesday’s Adele Mash-Up of “Rumor Has It” and “Someone Like You”:

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Even though a formal champion was not announced, the Troubletones obviously won the Mash Off with their Adele number. And that’s great, because only soulless robot-people don’t love Adele, but New Directions could have at least given H&O the Journey treatment and made it an actual contest.

So yeah, in other news, Santana popped a bunch of people in the face with giant rubber balls, but that was before Finn made it reeeeal personal by outing her in the halls of WMHS.

I’m not saying she didn’t deserve some sort of verbal retaliation for her hateful Finn-blubber/Rachel’s-coattails talk. But Finn’s choice to call her a coward in public for not being out about her feelings for Brittany was less than honorable. It was insensitive. It was none of his business.

Because somebody’s niece’s friend’s study buddy overheard him, and they produced a new mudslinging video against Sue’s campaign saying Sue made a lesbian head cheerleader, so Sue’s probably gay, and rainbows are the symbol of degenerates and, oh hey, pizzas are the symbol of justice.

Santana’s Lima Heights parents and grandma – who sounds like a lovely woman – may or may not be supportive, but her choice of when and how to tell them about her sexuality has been taken from her. Losing control of their own coming out would leave anyone feeling so vulnerable. This plot line has the potential to bring up different issues than Kurt’s story did, if the Glee gods choose to pursue it.

But even if they don’t, at least Santana summed the situation up well with a sound blow to Finn’s rosy cheek.

As for that slimy attack video against Sue, she and her support group Angry White People To Elect Sue Sylvester perfected that sleazy tactic first, claiming that Burt Hummel had a baboon heart and a donkey wife. She explained to Kurt that “Winning is really about poo flinging,” but sweet Porcelain managed to avoid negativity in his own campaign for prez.

Kurt’s platform of positivity (Vegetables, yes! Dodgeball, no!), combined with his icy silent treatment, convinced Rachel that he deserved the presidency and her friendship, and she withdrew from the race. He’s still up against a hockey jock with a mullet that I really hope is not a wig but that actor’s real hair, and Brittany, whose plan to outlaw tornadoes and go topless on Tuesdays will be tough to beat.

And finally, I can’t leave you without a Quinn-versus-Shuck update! Puck, inspired by Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal plus Woody Allen and that Chinese girl, declared his love for the significantly older Shelby. She dismissed their kiss as a mistake and essentially laughed at him with her eyes.

However, I stand firm in my prediction that Q will plot to get her baby back by exposing a Shuck affair, even if it’s non-existent. Next week’s previews show a vulnerable Shelby confiding in Puck and a moronic Puck confiding in Quinn. Considering he just spilled to Shelby about Q’s plan to sic CPS on her, I’d say Puck needs to pick a side and/or keep his mouth shut all around.

Here are your highlights:

Best Musical Number: Adele, Adele, Adele. Another Naya Rivera homerun (and brava to Amber Riley).

Best Sue-ism: Her ad connecting baboons and socialism was some of her best work.

Best Brittany line: Regarding Adele, “She sounds like what banana cream pie sounds like when it sings.” Agreed.

Wisest words from a woman about to do something stupid: Shelby to Quinn, “Just because you take out your nose ring and dye your hair blond again doesn’t make you any less lost.” Truth.

And some lowlights:

Worst musical number: “Hot For Teacher” was appallingly bad. And why did Schue like it? He was appropriately creeped out when Rachel had a crush on him. Which leads me to…

Worst mash up: Yes, a second “worst” musical number. The H&O was subpar, but so was “Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way or Another.” It felt like a pointless excuse to stage a dodgeball scene. What happened to more inspired combos like Schue’s “Don’t Stand So Close to Me/Young Girl,” or “Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again” from Rachel and Kurt? The two “You & I”s by Gaga and Eddie Rabbit/Crystal Gayle were clever, I suppose.

Worst thing about the upcoming episode: Cooter the Recruiter betrays Beiste by dating Sue! UNACCEPTABLE.

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